WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.920 --> 00:00:21.849 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Hello, everybody! Welcome to the 3rd session of edit to excellence! It is so good to see you all here. If we can just make sure that everything is working. If you can hear and see me, if you can write your name in the chat and tell me where you are coming to us from that would be great. 2 00:00:22.200 --> 00:00:24.470 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): We'll get started here in just a couple seconds. 3 00:00:28.080 --> 00:00:31.460 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Great, thank you, Penny, Penny said. All okay from Indiana 4 00:00:31.590 --> 00:00:37.159 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): number from Washington State. Good morning. It's pretty 8 Am. There early 5 00:00:37.620 --> 00:00:43.990 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Colorado, Ontario, Toronto, DC. Maine. Oh, Kylie, I was just in Maine a couple of weeks ago. It was lovely 6 00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:46.210 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): couple, Uk. 7 00:00:46.270 --> 00:00:51.944 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Hi, Amy Amy's on the pro writing aid team Alex from London. 8 00:00:53.240 --> 00:00:56.659 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): New Hampshire, old guy. I was just in New Hampshire as well. 9 00:00:56.780 --> 00:00:59.369 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): And then I am in Brighton. Uk. Right now. 10 00:00:59.940 --> 00:01:17.139 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Virginia, Monterey Bay. Great. We have a wide range of people here today. Well, thank you all so much for confirming that everything is working well today is going to be a bit of a different session than what we're typically used to. So today, we're actually going to take 11 00:01:17.140 --> 00:01:33.349 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): 3 specific manuscripts from participants in the chat and work on live editing them. Now, before we do that, I am going to talk to you a little bit about the editing process, and actually perform a bit of a live edit on some sample text that I have written. 12 00:01:33.510 --> 00:01:53.000 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Just so you can kind of see what we're gonna do and not feel very scared of that process if you want to participate. Hi, Kelby, good to see you. So we're going to go through my text. I'll do a little a bit of a live edit on that again, just so you can kind of see the process and see that it is not very scary. And then, if you'd like to participate 13 00:01:53.250 --> 00:02:17.900 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I'll take submissions, probably about 15 to 20 min in after I've done the edit on my own manuscript. Now, a couple of caveats about the edit that we're going to do so as I edit the text, what I'm not, I'm not going to actually make any changes to my text or to anyone else's text here. What I'm rather gonna take you through is kind of the process that I go through when I think about how I am actually editing. 14 00:02:17.950 --> 00:02:19.590 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So I'll take you through 15 00:02:19.730 --> 00:02:37.526 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): how I'm analyzing you know my text, what I'm looking at and really giving you kind of a checklist and and some some thoughts that you can go through step by step, as you are working through your own edits of your of your novels. Now, the other thing to keep in mind. 16 00:02:37.920 --> 00:03:06.009 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): is that I am going to use prowriting aid to support me in this editing process. And that's because prowriting aid for me is a huge part of the self editing process. And I think technology in general is really, really supportive in helping us figure out ways that we can improve our documents because it acts as this kind of second set of eyes. So when you're self editing, technology can come in and really support you and help you in that process so that you're not just spinning your wheels, trying to identify a lot of things that can be very, very difficult to spot in your own work. 17 00:03:06.370 --> 00:03:31.270 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): That being said, you can do all of the things that I'm going to talk about today without pro writing aid. So if you don't have pro writing aid. That's fine. And if you're more interested in learning how to go in depth on prowriting aid, that's what I'm going to talk about in the next session. So this session is going to be very much about kind of the mechanics of how you edit and how you think about how to improve your work. We're not going to focus too much on pro writing aid within this session other than having it as a tool for myself to kind of 18 00:03:31.270 --> 00:03:45.029 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): of use as I'm walking through some of the steps of editing, because it is a tool that I use in my editing process. So I'm going to show you a little bit about how to use it right now. But next week I'm going to go way into depth about how to really kind of 19 00:03:45.030 --> 00:03:55.809 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): understand the reports, understand the software and make it a kind of integral part of your editing process. So today you'll just kind of get a bit of a sneak preview. So save your questions and prorating it till the next time. 20 00:03:55.900 --> 00:04:07.987 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now, when we get to the point in the in the session where I'm going to ask for submissions. At that point I'm going to ask people to email me a couple of submissions but ahead of that 21 00:04:08.900 --> 00:04:31.210 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): If you want to start to share your documents or to get your documents ready to share, I'll be looking at scene level documents. So I would say something between a thousand to 1,200 words. So if all I'm starting off and just kind of going through, if you want to look for about 1,000 to 1,200 words? That would be great. Right now we're going to focus. I see a question in the chat on scripts 22 00:04:31.210 --> 00:04:40.568 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): right now we'll focus on narrative. So stories, short stories are fine, novels are fine memoir fine. Anything like that. I can talk a little bit about script editing 23 00:04:40.900 --> 00:04:52.353 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): towards the end of the session, as we have time for questions. But the kind of pieces that I prepared today are specifically on on longer form documents or narrative documents. Rather, they don't have to be long form 24 00:04:52.670 --> 00:05:19.157 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So if you want to submit later, it'll be about 1,000 to 1,200 words. I think we'll have time for about 3 people. So what I'll ask you to do at that time. Again. Once I've done my my session or my kind of edit on my script or my script. My selection is to talk, to ask for submissions. I'm gonna try to do a kind of wide range of genres. So no matter what genre you're in, that's totally fine. And again, I'll be asking for about 1,000 to 1,200 words. 25 00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:46.829 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now it'll probably be about 20 to 25 min, so that I'm asking for when I'm asking for that submission. So you have about 20 min to start to think if there's anything that you would want at that time, I'm going to ask you to submit through the QA. And I'm going to open the QA. Now, so that you can start to put in submissions if you have them and I'll just be picking 3 kind of random ones from there. So if you would like to submit, and again, I'll I'll give you some time again in about 15 to 20 min to resubmit. If you want to think about it. 26 00:05:47.070 --> 00:05:52.282 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): please let me know in the Q. And a. Specifically the genre of your work. 27 00:05:52.650 --> 00:06:11.740 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): about, you know a couple of words, 5 to 10 words about what the work is. And you know what it's about. And then how long it is so genre, quick synopsis of what the story is about, and then how long the submission is, you can do something from anything within the document. It can be start middle. 28 00:06:11.740 --> 00:06:29.650 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Just try to make it at the start. If you're going to be, you know, in a scene. Try to make it at the start of the scene. Right? So we don't want to come in in the middle of a scene. It's okay. If it's in the middle of the chapter. As long as it's kind of the start of the scene. If that makes sense. I will be asking everyone to submit in word or Google docs, or something that I can easily copy and paste out of 29 00:06:29.988 --> 00:06:38.100 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and actually, you know what. Let me put this up as a slide really quickly, so I will just make that easy for you. 30 00:06:38.580 --> 00:06:41.230 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So let me just say submission requirements. 31 00:06:41.550 --> 00:06:42.850 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): We'll do 32 00:06:42.970 --> 00:06:46.210 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): 1,000 to 1,200 words long 33 00:06:46.570 --> 00:06:48.840 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): word or Google docs 34 00:06:49.990 --> 00:06:53.609 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): include genre, brief description 35 00:06:54.430 --> 00:06:55.510 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and word count 36 00:06:56.540 --> 00:07:05.069 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): alright. So let me just put this up, and I'll put this up again in just a second when we are ready to get started with selecting the submissions. 37 00:07:07.520 --> 00:07:13.870 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): And then what will happen when we select the submissions? Okay, let me just share my screen. Now. 38 00:07:18.590 --> 00:07:42.940 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): cool. Okay. So you should be able to see my screen now. So we're looking for something about, you know, a thousand to 200 1,200 words long. I'm not going to go, you know. If it's about 1,500 words. That's fine, it'll be word or Google docs. And please include in the QA. The genre, brief description and word count. So right now, all I need everyone to do is if you have something you would like us to live. Edit put into the QA. 39 00:07:42.940 --> 00:08:07.569 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): It'll show up with your name, but put into the QA. Your genre. A brief description of the sample, and then the word count, and then I'm going to be selecting from those, and when I select I'll tell everybody on the chat, and then I'll show tell those people how to get those samples to me. So for right now all you need to do, if you would like to submit is, start to put into the QA. The length of your sample, the genre brief description, and then I'll be selecting from those as we get to that 40 00:08:07.570 --> 00:08:08.140 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): point 41 00:08:08.470 --> 00:08:32.118 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): any questions about this. Please just go ahead and pop them in the chat right now, and please put this into the QA. Not the chat. I think, Jenny, just posted that in the chat. So if you could put it into the QA. Which is at the bottom center of your screen. So Judith has just put in their memoir 700 words. People who've made an impact on her life put it in the QA. So that way I don't lose it. So I'll just give everybody a couple of seconds to put that to start to get that together, and then I'll get started with 42 00:08:32.330 --> 00:08:46.270 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the educational part of this presentation, and then again, we'll get to a point about 15 to 20 min in where I'll ask for a final call for submissions. So I'll give you just a second right now to read this and ask me any questions if you want, and then I'm going to switch the slides a bit. 43 00:08:47.790 --> 00:08:50.480 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and then yes, we'll get started here. 44 00:08:57.518 --> 00:09:10.180 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Jen, Jen asked. My documents at home and my laptop, Jen, we'd need you to send it in within the next 20 to 25 min. So if you can't do it in the next 2025 min, that's totally fine. You can just listen in for what we, what we need 45 00:09:11.670 --> 00:09:13.970 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): or what we're going to do with other people. Rather 46 00:09:29.350 --> 00:09:53.050 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): okay, alright. So we have enough time. I am going to head back to the beginning of this presentation and talk to you a little bit about editing, and then again, in about 1520 min we'll get into the live editing portion of this process. Please feel free while I'm going to continue to fill out the QA. With your potential submissions again, genre little brief description, and about how many words the submission will be 47 00:09:53.500 --> 00:09:54.670 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): all right. 48 00:09:54.990 --> 00:10:08.719 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So today we're going to be talking all about editing, and I want to start off by talking about the editing process itself, because editing can be really confusing for a lot of people. I think all of us as participants in Nanowrimo. 49 00:10:08.790 --> 00:10:27.859 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): We kind of. It's really easy to have the goal of finishing the book right? You start national novel writing month, and you're like great. I know I need to get. I need to complete my word, Count, I have to write. Is it what 1,300 ish words per day. Or you know, I'm trying to bank some at the beginning, but it's kind of clear. There's a clear start and a clear end point 50 00:10:27.860 --> 00:10:51.059 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): editing for a lot of people is a lot more mystifying, and it's a lot more confusing. So editing, you know, whereas there's a clear, you know, I have no book. And now I have a book at the end of the drafting process. Editing, on the other hand, is very, very confusing. It's hard to know when to start. It's also hard to know when to stop. A lot of people start editing as soon as they've picked up their. 51 00:10:51.060 --> 00:11:00.983 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): you know, as soon as they've written anything they'll go back and start to look at the descriptions and start to edit. At that point some people wait until they finish their draft and begin editing. Even from there. Some people decide 52 00:11:01.300 --> 00:11:26.089 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): to edit multiple times. Some people, you know, just copy edit. Some people really just look at their characterization can be really, really confusing. So what I want to do start by doing today is kind of demystifying the editing process and letting you know how I think about the editing process and the key steps that everyone should take. So you have an idea of. You know how you can consider something complete. And before I want to get into that, I'm seeing a lot of people put their submissions into the chat. 53 00:11:26.419 --> 00:11:35.420 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Can you please put those in the QA. Instead of in the chat. So if it's in the chat, I'll likely lose it. The Q. And a. Keeps it keeps it safe for me and lets me return to that. 54 00:11:35.540 --> 00:11:38.830 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So put it in the Q&A that's in the center of your screen. 55 00:11:39.060 --> 00:12:03.509 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, so editing whilst editing can be incredibly confusing and can be difficult to understand. Kind of what's happening in editing and how to know when to start and when to end, and for many writers editing is a lot more intimidating and in some ways less fun than the writing process. Editing is actually an amazing part of the writing process. And that's because editing is where your story really comes to life. 56 00:12:03.520 --> 00:12:30.770 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): For most of us editing is going to be where the story that you know we had in our head actually comes alive. The 1st draft is often just the opportunity for us to get those ideas onto the page, and editing is where we make sure that those ideas are expressed in the best way possible, so that our readers have a chance to engage with those ideas that we've been thinking about and sharing. Now, as I mentioned, many writers dread this editing process because it's so overwhelming 57 00:12:30.770 --> 00:12:55.569 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): during editing. You're going to examine every single aspect of your story. You're going to look at your plot. You're going to look at your characters. You're going to look at your settings, your word, choice, your structure all of these different things. So it can be really overwhelming to understand how to do that, how to do that effectively and even more. So. You know how to do that by yourself, and how to know when you're done for many of us. We're not going to have a budget for huge editors, and if 58 00:12:55.570 --> 00:13:09.160 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): we haven't gotten a contract to traditionally publish, we might not have access to to editors. So we might be doing this alone, and that makes it even more confusing to understand. You know, when am I starting? When am I stopping? And how do I know 59 00:13:09.260 --> 00:13:21.759 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): that this this process is complete, and a lot of that dread comes from not understanding the process itself. So let's 1st take a look at what a kind of linear, stereotypical editing journey could look like 60 00:13:22.140 --> 00:13:45.930 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): so in a very linear process you would complete your 1st draft. Then you would move into story or developmental editing, where you're looking at kind of the big picture, the plot, the characters, the setting world of your story. After you're fairly happy with that you might send your story out to Beta. Readers or critique partners get some of their feedback and maybe incorporate that. Then you would move on to line editing or copy editing kind of looking at 61 00:13:45.930 --> 00:13:59.410 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the actual words on your page and the sentences on your page. After that you might choose to engage with a professional editor to polish everything together, and then you might go to a final draft. This would be a very, very linear process, with 62 00:13:59.410 --> 00:14:11.029 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): editing divided into 2 distinct phases, one where you're looking at the story or development of your plot, your characters in your world, and another where you're looking specifically at your language. 63 00:14:11.190 --> 00:14:26.359 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now, I've divided it into these 2 separate sections, because you often want to make sure that your plot, character, setting, and world are solidified before you move on to the looking at the use of language. And that's because your story can significantly shift 64 00:14:26.360 --> 00:14:51.239 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): when you're looking at those bigger picture questions. So you might decide, for instance, to remove an entire chapter to remove an entire, you know, point of view character to shift your setting drastically, and you want to make sure your language is is fairly solidified in terms of what you're telling and what's on the page before you start to edit that. Otherwise you might end up spending a lot of time editing prose that you're ultimately just going to remove because you're, you know, choosing to change your plot 65 00:14:51.240 --> 00:14:52.439 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): story or world. 66 00:14:52.805 --> 00:15:03.764 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So I typically and recommend breaking the editing process into 2 distinct phases, and then bringing in outside opinions in between each of those phases. Now, this is an incredibly 67 00:15:04.180 --> 00:15:29.029 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): an incredibly incredibly linear editing process. But that is often not how it works for most people. So for most people, the editing process looks a little bit more like this. You might decide to story edit 4 or 5 times before you even move to beta readers or critique partners, or you might decide to complete one story edit, get some feedback from a Beta reader, and then go back for another story. Edit. 68 00:15:29.140 --> 00:15:42.189 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): You might go from story editing right down to line editing and then being bring in a beta, reader, or you might go from story editing to having a professional editor. Look at it because you don't like line editing and then bringing in a beta reader or critique partner. 69 00:15:42.240 --> 00:16:11.539 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): All of this to say, the editing journey is very different for every single person, and there is no right or wrong in the editing process. What works for you is going to be different than where it works for every other writer in this in this call. The only thing that I suggest when it comes to the editing process is that you have one editing again is where your story should really really come to life. And so what you've completed in your 1st draft really has a chance to shine. If you take the time to go through the editing process 70 00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:37.049 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again, what makes a good editing process is completely up to you. So for some of you you might prefer to edit and work on your work yourself the entire time. Some people might prefer to work with other people the entire time. So whether that's paying an editor or working with Beta readers or friends who are really solid at editing. Some people like to use technology. Again, I work with providing aid. But I also tend to use technology throughout the process, because it gives me a very cost, effective 71 00:16:37.050 --> 00:16:52.079 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): way of looking at editing. But other people really don't look like to work with technology. They'd like to just do it themselves. Some people just go through one round of revisions before breaking, bringing others in, and some go through dozens and dozens of rounds of revisions throughout the entire process. 72 00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:54.509 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): All of this is okay and completely up to you. 73 00:16:55.210 --> 00:17:19.389 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now, as I mentioned, I recommend having at least 2 parts of editing. We're gonna focus on one of these 2 parts today. And I do recommend doing them in 2 distinct phases. The 1st phase story editing is where you're going to look at your plot, your characters, and your world. This is where you're looking at your book on a macro level, so you'll be looking at the whole book as well as big chunks, like chapters, or, you know, apps 74 00:17:19.410 --> 00:17:31.639 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): within your story. And this is where you're really looking to see? Do my plot, characters, and world all work. You're asking yourself big picture questions like, does my story setting come alive? 75 00:17:32.060 --> 00:17:47.490 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Does the side character serve a purpose, or should I just cut them? Is my plot? Does my plot have enough tension? Do I need to add in more plot, or is it overstuffed. And do I need to take them away? So those big picture questions are what you look at during the story editing phase 76 00:17:47.770 --> 00:18:10.460 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): now, during the line editing phase, which is what we're going to look at today. This is where you really zoom in on a page by page level, and where you're looking at how you're using language to convey your story. So this is where you're doing. What a lot of us consider as the traditional editing. So adding in commas, or, you know, fixing misspelled words. But this is also where you're looking at. Do my sentences 77 00:18:10.460 --> 00:18:26.659 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): do a good job of telling that story. I've got this story decided. Now, how can I make sure my sentences are as tight, clear, and effective as possible to make sure my readers are engaged. So we kind of separate it into 2 different pieces, one that's looking at the story itself. 78 00:18:26.660 --> 00:18:29.774 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and one that's looking at our use of language. 79 00:18:30.513 --> 00:18:45.850 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): To convey that story itself. And thank you, Priya. In the chat, Priya was just saying as a reminder, please copy the proposals into the QA. So that I don't lose them. I'm going to ask for those in just a second, so if you put them in the chat, please go ahead and put them into the QA. Instead. 80 00:18:46.128 --> 00:19:03.039 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Babs, don't worry about the actual excerpt right now. What you've just post posted in chat is what you should be posting into the QA. I'm only going to be able to pick a couple of the actual excerpts so the ones that I'm able to pick for the actual excerpt excerpts. Excuse me, I'll tell those people how to submit those. 81 00:19:03.418 --> 00:19:09.109 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So. But right now, just if you want to be considered post your post your proposal into the Q, and A. 82 00:19:09.150 --> 00:19:15.609 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay. So again, 2 separate. I recommend having 2 separate sessions. For editing against story. 83 00:19:15.610 --> 00:19:42.740 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): big picture plot characters, world line editing where you're looking at the use of language to convey story. Now, line editing is what we're going to look at today because the bigger picture things story editing require a lot of reading. As I mentioned, when you're looking at story editing, you're looking on the macro level at how your novel is structured, or how your script is structured, and that that kind of story that you're talking about line editing is where we're really zooming into the page and looking at the the use of language within the page itself. 84 00:19:43.120 --> 00:19:56.439 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So that's what we're going to do today when you're line editing. You're really getting into the nitty gritty of word choice you're looking at about, you know. A 1,000 words at a time, kind of at most, whereas again, at story editing, you're thinking of big picture. 85 00:19:56.810 --> 00:20:19.260 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay? So as I just mentioned today, we're going to be looking at line editing. Now, I'm going to take you through how I think about line editing and the types of questions that I ask. Then I'm going to show you how this process works on a short excerpt of something that I've written in the past just again. So you can kind of see what we're going to do during this process. And then I'll be looking at our submissions. 86 00:20:19.810 --> 00:20:33.570 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay? So, broadly speaking, I think about line editing in 3 separate categories. The 1st thing I'm looking at is paragraph strength. So I'm thinking, are my paragraphs as strong as possible. 87 00:20:33.570 --> 00:21:02.749 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So I'm looking at. Do I have repetitive sentence structure? Have I over choreographed action? Am I doing too much telling? Basically, am I just am I? You know we don't need to know every single move like Haley lifted her hand and placed this down. Am I just doing too much information? Do I have purple prose? Again, am I telling or over describing things that are happening? Am I preempting my own narrative? Am I showing internal questions of the characters that really don't need to be on the page. 88 00:21:03.090 --> 00:21:13.289 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Am I using adverbs, metaphors, similes, analogies, or passive voice? Again, ways that my paragraph could not be, you know, just kind of takes away from the strength of that. 89 00:21:13.710 --> 00:21:24.539 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I'm also looking at dialogue at this point. So I'm really looking to see if my dialogue is compelling, so I'll be looking at things like tag overload. Have I used too many dialogue tags? 90 00:21:24.912 --> 00:21:45.769 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Have I used flashy tags, so instead of said and asked, Have I, you know, said, screamed, or shouted, or have I? Added adverbs, you know, said noisily, said said excitedly. Places where again, I'm kind of telling rather than showing, do I have unrealistic dialogue places where people don't really sound like actual humans? 91 00:21:46.070 --> 00:22:12.520 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Am I dumping too much info in the dialogue, or is it, too, on on the nose? Are there places where there's unnecessary or disjointed dialogue, you know, where people are coming into a conversation too early, and we don't actually need to look at it. Or the dialogue doesn't really make sense. And it's not following. So it's kind of the second category, and then the 3rd category that I'm broadly looking at. This point is word choice. So am I repeating myself. Am I, echoing myself? 92 00:22:12.520 --> 00:22:37.730 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Have I used intensifiers like very to say, you know, very cold instead of freezing? Am I using weak or nonspecific words? Am I just describing something as beautiful where I could be using more descriptive language. Have I been using cliches that don't make sense, or just kind of take people out of the topic or words that require further research, things that are again going to take people out of the narrative because they're too complicated for what I'm trying to talk about 93 00:22:37.910 --> 00:22:46.670 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): so again, broadly. The 3 things that I'm looking at when I'm going through line editing are my paragraph strength, my dialogue, strength, and my word choice 94 00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:57.449 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): alright. So now I'm going to brief you briefly, take you through just a couple of questions or a couple of looks at how I would do this on my scene that I wrote a long time ago. 95 00:22:57.620 --> 00:23:00.059 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now I will say I wrote this 96 00:23:00.440 --> 00:23:30.190 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): 2 years ago. Maybe so. I have not looked at it in a while. And it, which is always something that I do recommend. If you're editing to try to take a break. So you're kind of coming in fresh to it. So it feels like you haven't even really written it. That always helps with the identification of some of these pieces that I just talked about that being said again through this process, I'm going to use pro writing aid as well, because prowriting aid is specifically designed for line editing and can really help you make some of these changes and identify some of these pieces. 97 00:23:30.570 --> 00:23:39.420 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, so here I have a a section, an excerpt of what I seen that I've written previously. 98 00:23:39.570 --> 00:24:00.899 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now I'm not going to read it all out loud to you, but it starts with a you know, a text message or an email that the character receives. Also caveat. I have a bit of strong language in here. I'm just gonna kind of take you through some of my thinking, as I was looking at this. Now, if we go back to the checklist, that I had the 1st question that I had within the checklist is paragraph strength. 99 00:24:00.900 --> 00:24:18.139 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now, one of the things that I look for in paragraph strength is my repetitive sentence structure or over choreographed action, telling over, describing, preempting my own narrative. Kind of that was like a big bit. Mac more macro on the line editing side of just like. Are these paragraphs good as pot, as strong as possible? 100 00:24:18.140 --> 00:24:35.310 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now, when I come into prowriting aid, one of the 1st things I do to figure this out is actually look at my sentence links and my paragraph links. I can come in here and I can scan right away, and I can see that this paragraph is pretty long, especially compared to the rest. We've got like a lot of dialogue in here, some shorter 101 00:24:35.850 --> 00:24:48.439 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): some shorter sentences, but this one is a pretty long paragraph. So I'm going to kind of zoom into this right away. And I can see here already that I have a lot of description here. 102 00:24:48.990 --> 00:24:51.220 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and I can almost already tell 103 00:24:51.240 --> 00:25:16.849 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): that this sentence here probably isn't necessary again, I know this this document, so I know that this document is about a mother and daughter who are having kind of a difficult conversation over breakfast. It's also earlier in my my manuscript. So I it's the 1st time we're meeting 2 of these characters, and I can just kind of see right away that this paragraph probably isn't that strong because this sentence isn't really adding anything. We've got a little bit of like. 104 00:25:16.850 --> 00:25:36.140 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): you know. Scene setting here. But this sentence in particular stands out as something that I might just delete, because I don't know that it's particularly adding anything, and this paragraph in general might be something that I look at, shortening or contracting in order to make it a bit stronger. It's not really moving things forward, and I can see here again. 105 00:25:36.330 --> 00:26:02.999 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): This is my manuscript. So I know towards the beginning, kind of losing a lot of time. Just by by setting a description that's not really necessary. It's not really going to add anything. So that's 1 of those things that I might look at when I'm starting to look at the kind of line editing and looking at the paragraphs. Are there any paragraphs that stand out because they're much longer than others. Descriptive language is a place where that really tends to happen. And one of those questions that you'll ask yourself right away is. 106 00:26:03.000 --> 00:26:10.150 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): you know, am I adding anything by describing this here and sometimes you might be, you know, if this this is a crime novel? 107 00:26:10.260 --> 00:26:35.249 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): If this was a fantasy novel and the place where I was doing a lot of world building, maybe that would be necessary. But here I know that the setting is not one. We're going to spend a ton of time on so I might just decide you know what I just kind of want to cut that and get out of there. Another thing that's standing out to me just looking at this particular paragraph. Right away. I had my 3rd category word choice. I can see already that I'm saying 108 00:26:35.250 --> 00:26:53.109 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): kitchen table a lot. I could see kitchen table right, you know, 2 sentences in a row. So that's going to be something that I would want to change right away. If I decide to change the sentence. Maybe I would want to change it to across the room again, I would have to come back and read it, and a little bit more specificity. But again, just 109 00:26:53.110 --> 00:27:06.199 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): quick. Looking at this paragraph a couple of things that I'm lighting on. It's longer than everything else, and it doesn't need to be. And there's a couple of repetitions in there. So that's kind of getting you at that paragraph strength and that word choice. Now 110 00:27:06.380 --> 00:27:28.930 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): let's look at some dialogue just to show you kind of briefly, what happens in each of the 3 categories before we start to look at a couple of the submissions. So, as I mentioned, I'm also going to want to look at dialogue and think about a couple of things. Am I using too many dialogue tags so I can do a bit of a scan here. I can also use pro writing aid. I'm going to come over here to the dialogue report to support me with this. 111 00:27:29.318 --> 00:27:55.861 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I can see that I'm actually only using 4 dialogue tags. So that gives me a good sense that I'm probably not over using it, because there is a lot of dialogue. Tag or excuse me dialogue in this scene. So if I'm only using 4 tags, it's probably pretty good. And that I don't have any unusual dialogue tags, which is great, and I only have one dialogue tag with an adverb. So says Percoly, so that might be something that I want to go back 112 00:27:56.630 --> 00:28:03.287 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and and look at and try to, you know. Think about, do I need this, or do I not need this? 113 00:28:03.600 --> 00:28:15.279 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Oh, I was just gonna say some of those modifiers are natural to the speech path. Yes, so Valencia, in the the chat was saying, if you're a bipoc author writing bipoc stories. Some of those modifiers are natural to the speech pattern of your characters. 114 00:28:15.587 --> 00:28:27.089 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Exactly. I think there's a couple of things to keep in mind when you're looking at dialogue in particular dialogue, we want it to be natural to the characters. So one of the things you're looking at at this is. 115 00:28:27.310 --> 00:28:47.810 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): is it natural or not natural? So you need to consider who your characters are, what the context context of who they are is in order to understand whether or not the dialogue is natural. Same thing. If you're writing historical fiction, if you're writing fantasy, etc, you don't want them to be using words that don't make sense, or speaking in ways that don't make sense. Great. Okay. 116 00:28:48.330 --> 00:29:06.679 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So oh, bipoc stands for oh, my gosh! For person of black, indigenous, black, indigenous, or person of color, and a dialogue. Tag is a word like says or asks, so you want to make sure that it's you're not overusing. You're not saying says every single time, or asks every single time. 117 00:29:07.153 --> 00:29:35.159 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): okay. So at a very, very high level again, that we're not going to go into too much depth on mine here, so that we have time to look at a couple of other people's samples. But that's kind of the 3 broad categories. I look at paragraph strength. The 1st thing I do is look to see if there are any paragraph outliers. That gives me a sense that the paragraph might be a bit too long, or there are places that I can kind of cut to tighten that up. I start to look at word choice. So I'll see if I'm repeating myself. I'm seeing if I'm using. Words 118 00:29:35.160 --> 00:29:38.699 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): are ineffective, you know, saying things like. 119 00:29:38.700 --> 00:29:50.039 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): you know, very cold instead of freezing, and then I'll also start to look at my dialogue as well, and make sure that that's as strong as possible. But okay, let me switch back to my submission requirements. 120 00:29:51.631 --> 00:30:16.200 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, I'll give you 2 more minutes to get your submissions in, and then we'll have about 8 min to look at 3 different documents. I'm going to just randomly choose. I'm going to try to randomly choose across a couple of different genres. And then for those people who I have chosen, I'm going to put my email address in the chat and then you can email that. 121 00:30:16.390 --> 00:30:30.479 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So please put your submissions into the QA. And I will select from the submissions in the QA. And then, if you've been selected, you can email the submission to me. So the 1st one I'm going to randomly select. Let me just see. 122 00:30:30.590 --> 00:30:35.359 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I'm just going to do a random number generator. So we've got. Let's see. 123 00:30:35.760 --> 00:30:39.560 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): we've got 63 submissions. 124 00:30:40.190 --> 00:30:42.890 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So let me do a random number generator. 125 00:30:46.440 --> 00:30:48.929 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): 60, 64 submissions. Right now 126 00:30:50.330 --> 00:30:51.929 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I'll write my 127 00:30:52.500 --> 00:30:53.700 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): 8. 128 00:31:00.320 --> 00:31:25.970 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, so the 1st submission will be ivy ivy. Yours is a psychological thriller about a young widow's quest to solve her husband's murder, complicated by the deceit of her private investigator. Ivy. I know you said that it's 9,000 words in there. If you could just either select a thousand from them or send me the full document as a word document to the email address that I've just put in the chat. I'll select a a brief kind of 129 00:31:26.030 --> 00:31:27.049 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): piece of that. 130 00:31:27.130 --> 00:31:36.820 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So ivy, psychological thriller. My email is in the chat. If you could send that over to me there again as word or Google, Doc, or just anything that I can easily copy and paste from 131 00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:40.240 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): me. Generate another random number. All right. 20. 132 00:31:45.950 --> 00:31:57.740 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): okay. Number 20, was Susan Davis memoir. Susan's an emergency and based on a clinic Susan visited. So Susan Davis, I'm going to type my email for yours as well 133 00:31:57.780 --> 00:32:01.549 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again. Just Haley milliman.milliman@prowritingaid.com 134 00:32:02.050 --> 00:32:04.749 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): so ivy, Susan, and then 135 00:32:07.470 --> 00:32:08.950 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): 33. 136 00:32:11.710 --> 00:32:13.120 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Do do do. 137 00:32:15.010 --> 00:32:19.509 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): David. But did David, did you just have to leave? I think David might have just had to leave 138 00:32:22.650 --> 00:32:24.700 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): me just double check if David left. 139 00:32:25.520 --> 00:32:28.679 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Oh, yeah, unfortunately, David left. So let me regenerate. 140 00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:32.819 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, 50. 141 00:32:35.350 --> 00:32:55.081 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay. Sherry. Hanson. Sherry has travelers. Joy, romance, the Northern Lights. So Sherry, Hanson, if you are able. Sherry, it's totally fine. If you have your total novel. Congratulations at getting 87,000 words. But if you want to just send me a short excerpt, otherwise I'll just pick the 1,000 words at the beginning. 142 00:32:55.450 --> 00:33:15.589 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So the 3 folks I just mentioned Ivy Susan, we've got Susan's right now, so I'll pull that up first, st Ivy, and I believe it's sherry if you want to go ahead and send those in to the email address that I've put in the chat. We'll start there. Okay, great Susan, I'm going to go ahead and get yours pulled up. 143 00:33:16.550 --> 00:33:18.740 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and then we will 144 00:33:19.870 --> 00:33:21.020 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): start editing. 145 00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:27.979 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and then, if I, if I don't receive the submissions from sherry and ivy, we'll pick a couple of new people. 146 00:33:28.750 --> 00:33:31.770 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, we just got Ivy's in perfect. 147 00:33:32.330 --> 00:33:33.650 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): All right. 148 00:33:37.840 --> 00:33:42.810 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now again, as I'm looking through this as I'm looking through these documents. 149 00:33:43.030 --> 00:33:50.839 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I am going to make changes to the text and prowriting it, but I won't make changes to anybody's original text, so you can feel free to look through. 150 00:33:51.365 --> 00:34:12.840 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Look through the suggestions that I make. I'll have. We'll have the recording of this as well as the slides after. But all of these are just under advisement again, this is going to be a very, very quick edit. Obviously, since we're just here for about 8 min, and we're obviously without the original context of the story. So alright, let's share the screen, for Susan's 151 00:34:13.139 --> 00:34:16.639 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): all right. So Susan's again was a memoir. 152 00:34:18.280 --> 00:34:19.310 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Here we go. 153 00:34:21.120 --> 00:34:33.580 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay. So Susan's was a memoir, the crappy clinic and this is a prologue and imagined scene based on a very sad health center that Susan visited as a part of an evaluation. So at the very, very beginning of Susan's work. 154 00:34:34.543 --> 00:34:42.090 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): okay. So again, when I'm 1st looking, I'm looking at 3 categories, paragraph dialogue 155 00:34:42.290 --> 00:35:10.260 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and word choice. I'm gonna look@paragraphfirstst Now at paragraph. Some of the things that I start to think about are, how am I constructing this paragraph, and are there places that I can make the paragraph more. But just the paragraphs a bit more structured. So again, one of the things I'll 1st look at is to see if there are any outliers in terms of paragraph length. It actually looks like Susan. You've done a really good job here. Most of the paragraphs seem to be of similar lengths. There's no 156 00:35:10.260 --> 00:35:16.764 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): hugely huge dumps of paragraphs anywhere, so that gives me a good sense that right now we can start to 157 00:35:17.090 --> 00:35:29.252 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): we can start to. Go into some of the kind of other pieces of of paragraph work. Now, another thing that I tend to look at are places where you're telling or over describing. 158 00:35:29.910 --> 00:35:59.199 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So one thing that stands out as we look at some of these longer ones, is that we have? Some descriptions of the character here, how she'd been walking for a long time that she'd taken special care with her clothing. We have a a description of this, the skirt here, but what I see immediately after this is that the paragraph is that there's a reason for this this description of the clothing right? We've kept the red and black pattern skirt, and we're talking about it because it's important 159 00:35:59.736 --> 00:36:17.513 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): for this character to look to look well dressed. Right? So the the description of that makes sense in this context. Now, what I will say is, I start to notice that this paragraph in general has a lot of sentences starting with the same words. So we start with her, she the subject of the sentence 160 00:36:17.820 --> 00:36:31.270 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): or the subject of the scene is the one who's the focus in this care in this paragraph, and we start this that paragraph with the same word over and over again. So one of the things that you might want to start to think about as you're editing is, how can we change this up? 161 00:36:32.240 --> 00:36:48.380 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): a little bit. Are there places where we could combine these sentences to just get a bit of that repetition out of the way again? We start to you know, we kind of come into she again here. So we've got a lot of she's maybe she's hers. Basically these 1, 2, 3, 4, 162 00:36:48.580 --> 00:36:59.413 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): you know 8 or so sentences are kind of all starting in the same the same way. So that's 1 of those things where we might want to look at. How can we change that up a little bit? The sentences themselves often. 163 00:36:59.710 --> 00:37:08.020 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): tend to be very strong. But are there things that we can do here to again make the sentence just vary that for the reader. So we don't get that point of 164 00:37:08.830 --> 00:37:32.419 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): yeah, we don't get that point of kind of that repetition of just, oh, is this, is this thinking? Okay, so that's 1 thing to think about. So that's 1 thing that I would think about in the paragraph category. Got a lot of repetition of words there. Maybe those sentences we just think about how we can combine them, restructure them, etc. I'm also noticing prowriting aid is helping me notice a a decent amount of passive voice within here. 165 00:37:32.700 --> 00:37:42.098 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Some of that might be fine. I think in these instances the characters noticing that the past, the flowers had been recently watered. 166 00:37:42.510 --> 00:38:04.569 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): That's probably fine, because she doesn't know who had been doing that she's making that observation. But it might be something to just kind of keep an eye on. Is any of this passive voice something that we could. That we could eliminate another thing that I'll under if we go into kind of the word choice, which is that 3rd category. Looking here, we've got a couple of repetitions. I might choose to run something like the repeats report 167 00:38:04.680 --> 00:38:23.630 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and pro writing aid. We've got a couple of places where we've repeated larger phrases, large sign on the that's repeated a couple of different times. Gilbert looked at her as repeated a couple of different times. So again, as we're starting to look at that paragraph, strength and word choice. Those repetitions are things that we might want to take a look at. 168 00:38:23.830 --> 00:38:27.439 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now let's have a look at dialogue, which is our middle category. 169 00:38:28.500 --> 00:38:38.900 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay? So we've got some dialogue that's starting right within here again, I tend to run the dialogue report just to get a first, st a good sense of how many times we've used those words like said and asked. 170 00:38:39.745 --> 00:38:45.624 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): great. So right away we can see that we've got 6 dialogue tags, but not a ton. 171 00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:58.680 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): we don't have a ton of dialogue tags, so it doesn't look like we've overused them. But we do here have a number of unusual dialogue tags. So again, dialogue tags are words like said and asked, we want to 172 00:38:59.110 --> 00:39:11.180 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): use, said, and asked as much as possible. As much as possible over unusual dialogue tags and overall kind of limit, the number of tags we're using right away. So we can see we've got continued 173 00:39:12.069 --> 00:39:21.840 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): so here we've got both continued, and it's a dialogue tag kind of with an adverb. So she's saying she's continued quickly, so that might be something that we want to think. How can we 174 00:39:21.870 --> 00:39:23.010 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): tell 175 00:39:23.150 --> 00:39:46.109 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): or excuse me? How can we show that Ajuma is worried that the the that Gilbert is not going to listen to her rather than telling them so right now continued quickly. We have this kind of sentence in here that he's worried that he won't make the time to listen. So we're telling the reader that they're worried about that instead of showing so are there ways that we could think about showing that in a different way. Is it? Through the 176 00:39:46.420 --> 00:40:11.233 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): through the content of the dialogue itself? I would say right here, actually, the dialogue has a lot of urgency within it, so maybe we wouldn't even need this or maybe we could say we could give more description of kind of what a Juma is is looking at or what she's she's doing, instead of just kind of again telling how she's feeling in that section. Whereas our other dialogue tag. Oh, yeah, it was the continued 177 00:40:13.070 --> 00:40:24.639 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again overall very, very strong in terms of we don't have too many dialogue tags in here. We don't have. We have a couple of unusual ones. So I would say things like interrupted. Let's look at our interrupted one. 178 00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:33.279 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again. We might not need to have interrupted here. We might just. 179 00:40:33.750 --> 00:40:53.689 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): we could, you know, include that through the end of this sentence, right? So we never get the funds to maintain anything, because that's supposed to be the the job of the local government and you the community. So right here we have an opportunity to kind of tighten up this interruption right now. So the way that I'm reading this dialogue is. 180 00:40:53.690 --> 00:41:06.800 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): it's kind of ending here, and I get the sense that it's ending because we've got the period at the end of the sentence. But then we go into Gilbert's we go into Gilbert's mindset, and we hear that he's trying to understand what she's doing. So 181 00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:18.640 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the way that I read this as Gilbert finishes it's you and the community. It's supposed to be your job. And then he kind of pauses, waiting, and the sense that I get from that is because his brow furrowing. We have this moment of pause. 182 00:41:19.003 --> 00:41:28.910 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Where you know the Gilbert has time. We have time to get into Gilbert's internal monologue. Now, the word interrupted here kind of goes against that, because it's 183 00:41:29.080 --> 00:41:36.259 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): indicating that a Juma would be. And excuse me if I'm mispronouncing that. But Ajuma would be interrupting what Gilbert is saying kind of cutting him off. 184 00:41:36.280 --> 00:42:03.790 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now, what I would say here is I don't know if we need interrupted. If we do need interrupted, we could do that by potentially cutting off this sentence, eliminating this section that gives the reader that time to pause, and instead, going right into a Juma's dialogue. So it really gives that sense of interruption. If it's not necessary for a Juma to interrupt. And instead, we just want to show that combative nature, we could instead say, Are you saying, it's our fault. 185 00:42:04.108 --> 00:42:22.609 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): We could even remove the word interrupted, and you know you could say something like a Juma's voice was rising. Or a Juma felt her, you know, tone shift louder, or something like that, just to indicate again. That's not a very good rewrite, but just to indicate that she's frustrated. Right? So I guess one of 186 00:42:22.610 --> 00:42:40.459 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the questions you would be looking at here is are, is a Juma? Is the interruption the point? Or is the fact that a Juma is really frustrated the point. And are there ways that we can get across, that she's frustrated and getting upset by this conversation without the the unusual tag of interruption. And then, again, how can we kind of tighten this up to 187 00:42:40.640 --> 00:42:51.839 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): to create that tension within the dialogue without this kind of pausing here, I think again not to harp too much on this particular thing. But this, this pausing is a 188 00:42:51.980 --> 00:43:08.279 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): a great way of of kind of showing where that that pacing on the line editing can kind of take us out. I, to be honest, would just cut this. I maybe would even say you could even put this? Hadn't you gone to the meetings into the dialogue itself, or anything again, to kind of really? 189 00:43:08.549 --> 00:43:32.489 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Hint at this tension. We want this kind of back and forth of them going back and forth to each other as this kind of argument, or this, this heated discussion arises. So thinking about places where we can mimic that in the the construction of the prose itself, so make sure that it's really clear. You know, there's no, this is a heated conversation that's escalating. There should be no moments of pausing for the reader. So how can we make that clear from the dialogue itself. 190 00:43:32.750 --> 00:43:47.740 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I think, Andrea in the chat, or Adrea. Sorry if I've mispronounced that was, you know, saying, yeah, bringing your hands, wiping her face. All these things, beads of sweat dropping down. There's other ways to kind of show that frustration. Without without that. 191 00:43:47.800 --> 00:44:13.099 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): you know, without telling overly. And then again. If it's a heated conversation you might not want to interrupt at all. You might want to just have the dialogue go very, very quickly. Okay, hopefully that Susan is a little bit helpful overall again, this looks really strong at those kind of high level points. I want to make sure we have time to get to our other 3 manuscripts, but that's a quick look at kind of some of those things that I would look at overall. The paragraph is looking really 192 00:44:13.380 --> 00:44:26.110 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the paragraph consistency is looking really great. Let's have a look at passive voice. Let's have a look at those repetitions of sentence starts at the beginning here. And then how can we tighten up that dialogue to kind of keep the urgency moving forward? 193 00:44:27.040 --> 00:44:31.069 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, let's see what is next. 194 00:44:31.630 --> 00:44:33.760 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Oh, right, Barbara. 195 00:44:34.030 --> 00:44:36.000 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I'm going to 196 00:44:38.660 --> 00:44:40.180 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): pull up. Barbara's. 197 00:44:42.360 --> 00:44:43.710 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Oh, right! 198 00:44:44.230 --> 00:44:48.270 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Oh, actually sorry, Barbara, I think you just submitted. Ivy was the next one. Just kidding. 199 00:44:55.370 --> 00:44:58.749 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Oh, right, let me remind her what Ivy's was. 200 00:45:03.150 --> 00:45:20.680 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay. So Ivy's was a psychological thriller about a young widow's quest to solve her husband's murder, complicated by the deceit of her private investigator and her growing affection for his subject. These are so great, I think the best part of this is all these books that we want to read. Okay? 201 00:45:21.290 --> 00:45:25.700 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Oh, looking sorry. Ib, I'm just gonna repaste it because it looks like my 202 00:45:26.890 --> 00:45:31.259 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): document is my formatting is getting a little messed up. 203 00:45:34.210 --> 00:45:36.140 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): actually, here's what I'm going to do. 204 00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:45.869 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Sorry, everyone, a little bit of technical difficulties. The formatting is getting a bit messed up when I copy and paste but I am instead going to use 205 00:45:47.780 --> 00:45:49.540 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): providing aid in 206 00:45:52.950 --> 00:45:54.070 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Do, do do 207 00:45:54.870 --> 00:46:01.769 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): cool. Okay. So you're going to get a sneak peek at providing aid in Google docs. I'm just going to move it into Google docs. 208 00:46:03.300 --> 00:46:19.779 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): okay, cool. So I've moved Ivy's psychological thriller sample into Google docs because it was pasting a bit weirdly into the web editor, editor, the sneak preview of next next week's sessions. But you can use prowriting aid with natively within your document environment. You can just see it popping up here. 209 00:46:20.923 --> 00:46:36.250 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, so let's do that kind of first.st Again, 1st at the paragraph level, I'm just starting to look through. The content again. I'm seeing that there's no paragraphs that really stand out in terms of in terms of 210 00:46:36.730 --> 00:46:44.739 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): length. Nothing is particularly long. We can see right from the beginning that we're going into a A 211 00:46:45.260 --> 00:46:52.755 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): description of this kind of mysterious place where the air stirs, but nothing is moving in the dark. Something's happening in this kind of 212 00:46:53.913 --> 00:47:18.206 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): tight space. Now, one of the things that will stand out to me right away is the repetition of young woman. So here we have a bit of a conundrum, I imagine, because Ibm I'm assuming that you're not. You're specifically not describing who the young woman is. Because this is part of the mystery. However, what we do have is the use of young woman over and over again so similarly to how we were talking about 213 00:47:18.780 --> 00:47:20.755 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): how we were talking about. 214 00:47:21.494 --> 00:47:35.060 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the repetition! And Susan's the repetition here of young woman, I think, is going to end up taking the reader out of this a little bit. I think it'll become clear again. I'm just looking at this pretty quickly. We've got a young woman, and 215 00:47:35.370 --> 00:47:38.669 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): an older woman and a man outside. 216 00:47:39.160 --> 00:47:40.520 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): It looks like 217 00:47:40.590 --> 00:47:46.629 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): all this to say. I think we're going to want to think of another moniker that we can use for a young woman 218 00:47:46.890 --> 00:47:57.740 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): potentially just woman. I know there's an older woman who comes in a little bit later. But we're going to want to think about that, because the young woman, as a phrase, repeated over and over and over again. 219 00:47:58.257 --> 00:48:21.222 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): is going to end up getting, I think, a bit set off that kind of repeat alarm bells in people's minds. So when we're thinking about the paragraph thinking about, how can we? You know, how can we make that that clear that it's this person and this character without without? Yeah, without just saying that particular phase of phrase over and again, 220 00:48:21.750 --> 00:48:23.010 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): for instance. 221 00:48:25.340 --> 00:48:42.538 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again, do we need to have young women here? Can we just have the woman shrieks, and for shrinks further into the dark. I think another question is, is it? Why are we hiding the name from the person at this point? If this young woman is going to be made the kind of main character, or she's 222 00:48:43.120 --> 00:48:46.120 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I guess it's a question of why we're hiding 223 00:48:46.170 --> 00:48:58.334 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the name, for of this person. In the 1st place, if we're not supposed to know the 2 people, or we're not supposed to know who the victim is or something like that. Maybe that's fine. However, if we will end up knowing the name of the young woman, something that you might be 224 00:48:58.780 --> 00:49:08.584 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): be able to add in here is her her name introducing her. You could use her you could use she you couldn't use other pronouns at this point. Or just again other ways to try to 225 00:49:08.990 --> 00:49:15.289 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again. Just get away from this moniker of the young woman, which I think is going to end up setting that kind of repetition off their their head. 226 00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:17.419 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now let's see 227 00:49:17.870 --> 00:49:20.549 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): dialogue. So I'm going to come in. 228 00:49:21.090 --> 00:49:23.610 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I'm going to look at the dialogue report. 229 00:49:24.630 --> 00:49:26.439 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Do do! Do! Where? 230 00:49:28.600 --> 00:49:35.440 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Where are you? Dialogue report? Oh, isn't fiction? Duh? Okay. So I'm going to look at the dialogue report. 231 00:49:35.880 --> 00:49:52.005 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Now we've got 11 dialogue tags, which again for the number for the amount of dialogue, almost 30% of dialogue in this in this sample that is pretty good, and we only have one unusual dialogue tag. So only one place where they've said something where Ivy said something other than 232 00:49:52.859 --> 00:49:57.610 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): setter asks, now what I will say is, I do think some of these 233 00:49:58.490 --> 00:50:04.079 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): places we could actually remove some of these tags. So just looking at this section here. 234 00:50:04.861 --> 00:50:23.549 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): You've been watching the apartment? The man asks the older woman, sounds offended. We could likely actually remove this. The man asks, because we already know that it's 2 people. In this conversation. The old woman and the young woman we could just remove. The man asks, because it now becomes clear that the older woman is the one 235 00:50:23.550 --> 00:50:37.411 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): after this, or we could just remove the older woman sounds offended next, I think this is another great example of a place where we're telling rather than showing as well. And we could think about, how can we tighten up this dialogue? 236 00:50:37.780 --> 00:50:48.489 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): to get it across that she sounds offended without having to say that she sounds offended. So you know. Why would I do that in it itself could just be like 237 00:50:48.540 --> 00:51:15.940 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): that anger, that frustration. Why would why would you even ask me that? Maybe you switch maybe you would switch it to something like that instead of you've been watching the apartment. Why would I do that? If you want to get across that they're offended without saying they are offended, you know. Why would you even ask me that? Or how could you even ask me that? Again? Kind of that, that that scoffing, that that action within the dialogue that shows that they're offended. Or you know 238 00:51:15.940 --> 00:51:33.150 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the older. I guess they're not seeing them, so you can't. The young woman wouldn't be able to see that. She crossed her arms. But something like that you could do, you know, if they were able to see it? The older woman crossed her arms. Why would I? Why would you even ask me that again, getting across moving away from that, telling that they sound offended 239 00:51:33.170 --> 00:51:39.379 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and making it clear to the reader that they're offended by the actions that they're taking, or the context of the dialogue itself. 240 00:51:40.910 --> 00:51:46.539 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): okay, a couple of other things that you might want to just think about 241 00:51:46.960 --> 00:51:49.059 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): are the natural 242 00:51:49.530 --> 00:51:51.550 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): ness of the dialogue. 243 00:51:52.780 --> 00:51:54.731 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): One of the things 244 00:51:56.860 --> 00:51:59.899 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): This sentence it must be signed for. 245 00:51:59.930 --> 00:52:02.009 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): stands out to me as something that 246 00:52:02.030 --> 00:52:05.149 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): people might not say. 247 00:52:08.180 --> 00:52:25.519 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I'm just trying to think again. You know. It might say it needs a signature. The package needs a signature. I, or even just, you know, instead of it must be signed, for I need a signature. I can't leave it without a signature something like that. So if he's the delivery guy, you know, how can you get across? He needs a signature. 248 00:52:25.580 --> 00:52:31.900 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): But thinking through, what would a person really say in that sentence? It must be signed for as a bit of an awkward dialogue construction 249 00:52:32.060 --> 00:52:39.139 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again. Something like that you need. I need a signature. I can't leave it without a signature. Again. Something like that that kind of centers him at that state 250 00:52:39.160 --> 00:52:39.990 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): stage. 251 00:52:42.070 --> 00:53:05.000 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again. Here another example of a little bit of telling. So things turn in a surprising direction outside of the apartment. What makes it surprising? Why is it important that it's surprising if it's important that it's surprising we need to make that clear from the we don't want to tell the reader that something surprising is happening happening. We want to make it clear to them that it's happening, that something surprising is happening from the content itself. 252 00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:13.789 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So you never want to tell the reader. Oh, you should feel surprised. Oh, or this is out of the normal. You want instead for the reader to think that through for themselves. 253 00:53:14.405 --> 00:53:38.959 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay. So again, a lot of really, really great stuff here again, really, with both Susan and Ivy's works a really nice, masterful use of dialogue tags, as well as some really good paragraph, pacing couple of things to think about. Ivy. That repetition of the young woman. How can we use other monikers other ways to describe her so that we don't have to get that through? Then within the dialogue itself a couple just a couple of things to think about. 254 00:53:38.960 --> 00:54:02.009 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): 1st telling, not showing, not telling. Where are there instances where somebody is offended? And we can just take that out, and we can make that clear by how they're what they're speaking about and how they're speaking. And then I think the naturalness of the dialogue of the delivery driver. How can we make him talk a little bit more like a person and things like it must be signed, for you know, what would a deliver guy actually say. 255 00:54:02.010 --> 00:54:06.859 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): I need a signature. Things like that. But again, overall a really really strong start. 256 00:54:07.660 --> 00:54:12.630 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay. And we've only got a few minutes left, but I think I've got enough time. 257 00:54:12.860 --> 00:54:20.219 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Yeah, and Journey has a great t tip in there that reading your dialogue out loud really helps you to tell if it feels natural or not. 258 00:54:22.125 --> 00:54:46.129 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): And yes, I think Carmen makes a really great point that there's clearly, I think Ivy's clearly made a point, for there's a reason that Ivy is not sharing their names yet, which makes it really important. So what we just need to think about is, how can we not share their names without it? Feeling super repetitive by saying, the young woman, the older woman, things like you could say, you know the woman's voice. Maybe you describe the voice like the deep voice of the woman, or something like that out there. 259 00:54:46.422 --> 00:55:08.080 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): That makes it a bit more. Just basically what are kind of descriptors that you can give them. So you maybe have, like 3 or 4 ways of describing them. I think somebody had said, you know the color of the hair, or and somebody had said, you know the the timbre of their voice, or something like that. So that way you can say, you know, the scratchy voice 260 00:55:08.190 --> 00:55:11.519 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): continued, instead of the the old man, or something like that. 261 00:55:11.930 --> 00:55:22.680 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, last, but not least we are looking at sherry. Sherry has travels, joy, a romance. And we've got a excerpt here. 262 00:55:25.330 --> 00:55:26.490 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): great! 263 00:55:26.840 --> 00:55:29.140 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Which looks like it's in 264 00:55:30.330 --> 00:55:31.559 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): bit of the middle. 265 00:55:33.120 --> 00:55:38.100 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Alright again, I'm using providing aid in Google Docs here. 266 00:55:41.170 --> 00:55:46.139 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): cool. Okay? So let's do our 1st look at paragraphs again. 267 00:55:46.150 --> 00:55:49.750 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Within here it's formatted a little bit differently, but overall 268 00:55:50.360 --> 00:55:58.431 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): not any places that I really want to zoom in in, because it looks like we've got a pretty good just at the high level. Pretty good. 269 00:55:59.100 --> 00:56:06.390 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): pretty good mix of paragraph lengths. Nothing. That's too nothing. That's too long. 270 00:56:07.060 --> 00:56:11.830 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So now we'll start to look at other places. Where we can 271 00:56:12.140 --> 00:56:14.039 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): look so repetition 272 00:56:14.470 --> 00:56:19.363 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again. High level looking like we're good repetition. We don't have too many. 273 00:56:20.390 --> 00:56:22.760 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): we don't have too many. 274 00:56:26.940 --> 00:56:33.439 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): repetitive. Excuse me repetitive phrases, but we can come in here and we can run. I'm going to come into the reports 275 00:56:34.480 --> 00:56:55.620 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and run our repeats just to have a look at some of the repeats, because this will catch them better than I can. And this is another great indication of how technology can really support. Actually, this is great. So we've the technology has found that we have 2 places where we have a frequent 9 word phrases. So didn't speak to each other 276 00:56:55.890 --> 00:57:00.350 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): for over 2 decades. So that let's just see where that is within the document 277 00:57:01.060 --> 00:57:02.990 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): oops. I don't wanna 278 00:57:03.130 --> 00:57:03.980 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): find 279 00:57:06.170 --> 00:57:08.029 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): alright. So we've got one here. 280 00:57:11.260 --> 00:57:19.359 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Great. Okay? So we actually have 2 pieces in a dialogue where we have our moms didn't speak to each other for over 2 decades. And then we have 281 00:57:19.470 --> 00:57:26.869 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): didn't speak to each other for over 2 decades. Now this could be. It looks like there are. 282 00:57:27.253 --> 00:57:46.366 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): They're almost the character down here is kind of calling back to that 1st thing that being said, that is a very a pretty long phrase to repeat word for word twice because it's going to kind of call out that that sense of like this has happened before. I just read this, which might interrupt the readers. 283 00:57:46.740 --> 00:58:12.889 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): engagement with the work a little bit if they're kind of having that echo feeling set off in their mind. So one thing you could think about is, how can I? How can I call back to that? Without? You know, without saying it. Exactly. So should I, you know. Maybe it's the second example is good news. I think I found the the reason for that long rift between Esmeralda and Clementina, or whoever it is. You know something like that. So it's kind of calling back to that 284 00:58:12.890 --> 00:58:36.790 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): the decade long rift or the multiple decade long rift. But it's not saying it in exactly the same way. So it's kind of keeping that that repetition out of the reader's mind. And again, that's 1 of the reasons why technology is super helpful, because at a quick glance. I was not able to see a bunch of repeats because they weren't very close to each other. But then you can come in here and you can see a couple of places where again we've got the silence stretched on twice. 285 00:58:37.530 --> 00:58:43.829 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Here again a good phrase A good phrase to use once, twice is going to end up 286 00:58:44.270 --> 00:58:53.879 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again, just setting off that echo in the reader's mind. So how can we say that? You know everybody sat on, sat there uncomfortably. You know what's happening to again 287 00:58:53.940 --> 00:59:01.109 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): return that silence without saying the exact same thing. Over and over. We do have the word silence again. A lot here, too. So 288 00:59:01.180 --> 00:59:12.862 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): are there places that we can use the word quiet? Are there places that we can make it clear that it's quiet. There's no conversation. There's eye contact happening. But no actual conversation happening, or something like that. 289 00:59:13.280 --> 00:59:37.020 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): that I was going to say a couple of other quick things that I've noticed here. So we have bane serving them each a glass of wine from the vineyard. Clearly he's proud of the wine I'm assuming Bain potentially owns the vineyard, or is, you know, somewhere in some way responsible for the wine or something like that? How can we tell? How can we show that Bain is proud without without 290 00:59:37.020 --> 01:00:01.350 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): telling that he's proud? So, you know. Will he take time to show them each the bottle and and pour it with care, or something like that, so that you can kind of show you know. Show that without saying that he was proud, or in this instance? You know, does it? Does it matter? Is it important for Bain to be proud at this point, or is it not important for Bain to be proud at this point it might not actually matter that he is, or it might not be, an important character detail. 291 01:00:01.350 --> 01:00:03.640 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): in which case we? We could nix that. 292 01:00:03.900 --> 01:00:07.740 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Alright, let's have a look at our dialogue as well. 293 01:00:09.670 --> 01:00:26.047 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So we've got 14 dialogue tags for 33% of the dialogue. We've got a good consistency. No tags with adverbs. We've got a couple of unusual tags we've got, responded told and answered, so that's something that we could think about 294 01:00:26.530 --> 01:00:30.556 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): we could think about removing some of those. 295 01:00:32.040 --> 01:00:32.820 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): yeah. 296 01:00:34.460 --> 01:00:36.790 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So if if it's clear at this point. 297 01:00:37.150 --> 01:00:53.039 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): you know that it needs to be vain. Maybe we leave this in, or we could just switch it to to said, it doesn't really matter or, again, we can just remove it if it's not clear, or if it's not needed to say that it is vain. So just something to think about within the dialogue tags, but great work not having any of those with adverbs. 298 01:00:53.494 --> 01:01:02.829 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): And then in some of the word choices. So let's come in here. We haven't used the diction report yet 299 01:01:03.170 --> 01:01:04.530 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): to do. 300 01:01:05.350 --> 01:01:09.069 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Where was our diction report? Here it is under readability. 301 01:01:10.347 --> 01:01:21.782 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): So the diction report will look at vague and abstract words. So things like really so. Never really seen them. But standing side by side, this was actually one 302 01:01:22.340 --> 01:01:37.890 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): that I was thinking about. They really did bear a striking, striking resemblance. Are there places that is there a way that we could say they really did? Bear, you know, a resemblance without using that word really against some of those kind of more vague and abstract words. So here 303 01:01:38.934 --> 01:01:59.019 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): you could say something like he realized he'd never seen them standing side by side before the resemblance was uncanny. They looked more like sisters than cousins. Again, some of those ways that we could rewrite this, taking out some of those vaguer, vaguer words like, really, that aren't particularly adding anything here, or you could use different intensifiers or different languages. Different language to describe. 304 01:01:59.506 --> 01:02:06.983 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): Okay, we are a little bit out of time, and I don't want to take up too much of anyone else's work, but of amazing job. Sherry 305 01:02:07.340 --> 01:02:23.964 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): again, really, really tight work on the dialogue. I think we saw some comments or some compliments in the chat overall. All 3 of the selections were really really strong. And everyone should real feel very, very proud. But overall what you want to look at when we're thinking about 306 01:02:24.370 --> 01:02:49.340 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): this content when you're thinking about the line editing is overall. Looking at your paragraphs. How can you make them as strong as possible? How can you come into the dialogue and make sure that it is clear that it's natural sounding. How can you think about the language and make sure that you're using words that are strong, as as strong as possible. And again, when we're doing this line editing, this is really the level of detail that we're doing, we're going sentence by sentence, line by 307 01:02:49.340 --> 01:02:57.160 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): line and word by word, to make sure the the like use of language is as strong as possible. Now. 308 01:02:57.160 --> 01:03:22.948 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): story editing, which we didn't touch on today is very, very different. That's macro level. We would be looking at the the the story at a at a whole, and saying, You know, is Bain a good character. Do I want to keep bane? You know, or you know, Clementina, why, why have I even mentioned Clementina so? Questions like that? But when we zoom into line editing, this is the kind of level of nitty gritty you spend, and you can see how it's it takes a long time to go 309 01:03:23.634 --> 01:03:47.749 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): deeply kind of into that so I hope this was helpful for you all. It was a good a bit of a preview for prowriting aid as well. Next week we are going to go deep into how to use pro writing aid specifically for editing and to talk a little bit more about a kind of detail level of of the steps that you can go through as you're going through this yourself, as well as answer any questions about pro writing aid. 310 01:03:47.950 --> 01:03:59.430 Hayley @ ProWritingAid (she/her): and just keep going from there. But thank you all so much for your participation in both this session and the others. And I hope you have a very rest. Good rest of your Wednesday. Bye, everybody.