WEBVTT 1 00:00:20.200 --> 00:00:21.790 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: Welcome everyone. 2 00:00:22.300 --> 00:00:24.989 and as you start to file in. 3 00:00:25.320 --> 00:00:34.510 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: go ahead, and if you'd like to drop your name and location in the chat, go ahead, or you can write your favorite romance, Trope. We could mix it up this time 4 00:00:34.570 --> 00:00:36.669 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: if you can see and hear me 5 00:00:39.950 --> 00:00:45.229 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: see some returning names. Fake dating enemies to lovers. 6 00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:49.420 Michelle from Pittsburgh is back. Hello! 7 00:00:50.810 --> 00:00:54.769 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: See? Oh, grumpy sunshine! That's a fun one. Yes. 8 00:00:55.630 --> 00:01:07.169 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: it looks like everything is Meg Meg is a self-proclaimed group slut and reads them all. Couldn't relate even more than I already can. Meg, I'm with you there. 9 00:01:08.610 --> 00:01:23.109 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: Wonderful. It looks like we are good to go. I'm going to drop some links in the chat for you, including a link to download today's slides. You can go ahead and do that at as we get started. You don't have to wait. 10 00:01:24.190 --> 00:01:41.829 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: and I'm just going to go through our housekeeping items, so to anybody joining us for the first time welcome. I'm Michelle, with pro writing aid to all of our returning attendees. We're so glad to have you back for another session. It's day 4 of romance writers week. And we have a really exciting session in store for you now. 11 00:01:42.380 --> 00:02:10.969 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: So to access your replays and basically all of the resources that you need for this week. Head to the romance writers. Week Hub. It is linked for you in the chat. If you haven't been there yet, make sure you check it out you can see all of the slides, replays audio transcripts, a downloadable participant, guide everything you need for this week is there? That will have all of Monday through Thursday's replays up until March first, and after that the replays will only be available 12 00:02:10.970 --> 00:02:13.600 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: available for prorating aid subscribers 13 00:02:14.690 --> 00:02:42.839 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: on tomorrow is actually our premium day. So if you've been with us so far this week, these sessions have been totally free. Tomorrow is for premium and premium pro subscribers of pro writing aid. Only but you can access those. If you would like to upgrade your account, you can do so by tomorrow morning to get access to these sessions. And we've also added an additional networking event to tomorrow, Eve to tomorrow at 4 pm. Eastern. 14 00:02:42.870 --> 00:02:54.749 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: That is, for everybody, because we did have some technical difficulties with our first networking session on Tuesday. So we've added on an extra and that is open to everyone to attend. 15 00:02:54.830 --> 00:03:00.530 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: It is not a part of actual premium day, so you can see that listed on the hub as well. Now 16 00:03:01.220 --> 00:03:25.280 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: we do have an offer for you to upgrade if you're interested in doing so. This offer is good until March first, but if you would like to upgrade by tomorrow morning, you will also have access to see all of the premium events live. Premium and premium pro users will get, receive an email tomorrow morning with those instructions for viewing them as well. But if you are interested in upgrading, now is a great time to do so. We love putting on these events for you all. 17 00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:39.150 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: and having paid users is what helps us to make these events happen. So if you're thinking about it, or if you have any questions, feel free to drop them in the QA. For me today, or you can email, Hello, prorating aid.com. And we're always happy to help. 18 00:03:39.890 --> 00:03:58.430 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: If you would like to keep the romance writing convo going. We'd love to have you over in our private writers. Community, we have a live event, chat there where you can talk romance writing topics with the other attendees this week and you can join with the link here. It is also on the Hub page. 19 00:03:58.500 --> 00:04:03.599 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: and you just, and with your prorating Aid account information. It is very simple 20 00:04:04.550 --> 00:04:32.010 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: reminders for today's session. If you can please use the Q. And A. Box for any questions for our speakers. They may be monitoring the chat as well, but it is easier to keep up with the questions if they are in the Q. And a. So we don't miss them. As you can see, the chat moves very quickly it, but you are more than welcome to chat with your fellow attendees today. We just ask that you check the to menu and select everyone, otherwise your messages will by default only come to the hosts and panelists. 21 00:04:33.180 --> 00:04:41.260 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: and with that being said, I'm so excited to introduce you to our speakers. We are joined by Karelia and face Death's waters. 22 00:04:41.260 --> 00:05:03.200 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: Sapphic romance, writer, Ceretz waters, loves writing open door sex scenes that encourage all her readers to celebrate their sexuality. She became passionate about spreading clitorcy, knowledge and appreciation for the Clitoris. While doing research for satisfaction guaranteed and opposites attract romance about a sexually experienced woman who inherits a bankrupt sex toy store. 23 00:05:03.200 --> 00:05:17.579 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: Karelia has taught writing for 20 years and her free time. She collects anything with a clitoris on it, marvels at her pugs acuity for finding crumbs, and enjoys her own happily, ever after, including a vibrant sex life with her wife of 25 years. 24 00:05:17.580 --> 00:05:47.570 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: Face that's Waters has had a diverse career starting in the Marine Corps, then winding her way from 9 1 one dispatching to work as a circuit court judge, and now is a civil rights attorney because her work is challenging. She loves escaping into the world of romance where good things happen to good people, and a happy ending is guaranteed. Fay is proud to write strong black Lesbian protagonists in her free time. Fay enjoys gourmet cooking 4 A. M. Trips to the gym, giving into everything her dog wants, and having adventures with her wife, Karelia 25 00:05:47.570 --> 00:06:05.459 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: Faye and Kreli are co-authors of a new Sapphic romance. Second night stand coming out May twenty-onest 2024, and the or the link to pre-order. That is also in the chat for you. So I'm gonna drop those links again, and Faye and Craleio welcome. We're so happy to have you. 26 00:06:06.940 --> 00:06:26.370 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Thank you so much, Michelle. And I am so excited to see so many people from all over the world. This is going to be a great presentation, like Michelle said. I am Karelia Stets Waters. I am coming to you, she her pronouns from coming to you from Albany, Oregon. 27 00:06:26.520 --> 00:06:47.950 Karelia Stetz-Waters: about an hour south of Portland to people in Oregon. This is known as the town on i. 5. That used to smell bad. It smells fine. Now. This is my favorite lecture of everything I do in my teaching career. And it's particularly fun today, because I get to present with fay 28 00:06:52.470 --> 00:07:16.820 Fay Stetz-Waters: oops face that's water. So you see her pronouns. Thanks for being here today. I'm so excited to co-present with Karelia. She's a wonderful presenter. She's been teaching for years. I've not been teaching. I hope you'll appreciate my dildo rainbow colored PIN. Here we got these pins at our favorite sex story store, and I'm just excited to talk to you about sex and romance and writing 29 00:07:17.560 --> 00:07:41.339 Karelia Stetz-Waters: wonderful. So first of all, do take good care of yourself today. If anything in this presentation is upsetting or troubling, please feel free to step away. Take good care of yourself. If for some reason you feel inclined to say anything hurtful or denigrating about anyone, a particular group of people. 30 00:07:41.340 --> 00:07:53.519 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Please feel free to step away to keep the rest of us safe. Not that I expect that's gonna happen. Okay. So talking about sex is so much fun. 31 00:07:53.700 --> 00:08:11.419 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And it can still be uncomfortable. Faye is totally comfortable with the material, but she tells me she's probably gonna start giggling at some point during the day. So I want to get that giggle started with 32 00:08:11.620 --> 00:08:17.000 Karelia Stetz-Waters: a game. Alright. 33 00:08:18.880 --> 00:08:22.630 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and I trust that I am screen sharing. 34 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.740 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And 35 00:08:27.430 --> 00:08:30.959 Karelia Stetz-Waters: here is the game. It's called the sex metaphor game. 36 00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:53.410 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So what I want you to do is reach around your desk for whatever you have like. Book, magazine junk mail, and I want you to close your eyes and feel through the butt. Just pick a word, a place at random in the text, and I want you to read through that sentence until you came to a now 37 00:08:53.460 --> 00:08:57.710 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and an adjective. Now write those 2 down 38 00:08:58.000 --> 00:09:04.450 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and using your noun, your adjective. The word licked 39 00:09:04.640 --> 00:09:06.070 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and breast. 40 00:09:06.250 --> 00:09:12.460 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I want you to write a sentence with a sexual metaphor in it. 41 00:09:12.470 --> 00:09:36.970 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Perfect for today's presentation. I had a New Yorker article in front of me. I chose my words were AI and one of a kind. So I came up with this wonderful sentence. Cecilia licked Rhonda's breasts with the speed of a one of a kind AI program designed to accomplish this task thoroughly, but in the least amount of time possible. 42 00:09:37.070 --> 00:09:52.170 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So go ahead and write your sexual metaphor and pop it in the chat. There's no way we're we're gonna be able to keep up with all of them. But I can't wait to see some of them, and those of you who are 43 00:09:52.300 --> 00:10:07.379 Karelia Stetz-Waters: participating you can read through a little closer because these come out fantastic. So go ahead and give that a shot. I'll just give you a minute here to to do your in-class homework and feel free, of course, not to participate if you don't want to 44 00:10:17.640 --> 00:10:21.939 Karelia Stetz-Waters: licked her breasts like they were German nugget nugget. 45 00:10:36.150 --> 00:10:36.840 Good. 46 00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:39.360 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Oh, the owl! 47 00:11:04.420 --> 00:11:08.080 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Okay. these are so good. 48 00:11:13.290 --> 00:11:22.200 Karelia Stetz-Waters: like the aspiring feeling of paper. spirit feeling of paper, either. One is good. 49 00:11:33.450 --> 00:11:34.570 Karelia Stetz-Waters: No? 50 00:11:43.340 --> 00:11:48.609 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Oh, steamy shower curtain like that's legit. I see that in a book 51 00:11:49.650 --> 00:11:53.710 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Hershey's kisses love it same. 52 00:11:54.610 --> 00:12:03.049 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Charlie pressed his lips against my chest and licked to the summit of my nipple. I love it. The summit that's so good. 53 00:12:04.060 --> 00:12:20.799 Karelia Stetz-Waters: The invitation to lick her breast was impossible to ignore. So he Rsvp. Immediately. I love it so much. These are so good, these are so good. I'm gonna have you keep them coming. As you write them. 54 00:12:21.010 --> 00:12:31.329 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I'm going to keep going with my slides, because last time I gave this lecture I went over by 20 min, and I'm not going to do that today to you or to the future presenters who are coming after me. 55 00:12:31.550 --> 00:12:53.700 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So these are fantastic, so I am not a fan of fade gray sex seats, because I believe sex is inherently interesting. It's a powerful moment in the narrative. It's a great place to develop character, and for me personally, it's a place for activism. 56 00:12:54.060 --> 00:13:03.080 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Now, as I go through the slides today, I'm going to tell you things with great passion. I'm gonna say, do it like this. Everything 57 00:13:03.310 --> 00:13:06.219 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I say is a suggestion. 58 00:13:06.420 --> 00:13:10.900 Karelia Stetz-Waters: You can do anything really well. 59 00:13:11.180 --> 00:13:15.819 Karelia Stetz-Waters: that's the beauty of writing, so nothing I say is a must. 60 00:13:16.050 --> 00:13:19.660 Karelia Stetz-Waters: But I do think that I give lots of good advice. 61 00:13:19.670 --> 00:13:41.230 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So if you're going to fade to grade, that is not show sex on the page. I recommend first of all, lots of longing building up to that scene, and then make sure the reader has a pretty good picture of what's happening behind the door because you don't want them to ask the wrong questions. I read a great book recently 62 00:13:41.230 --> 00:13:55.730 Karelia Stetz-Waters: great book, but I was disappointed with a faint gray sex scene bisexual woman who had never had an experience with another woman, had sex with the woman she had been longing for for 200 pages 63 00:13:55.950 --> 00:14:11.799 Karelia Stetz-Waters: closed door, and when the scene started in the next chapter it stated that they had had a mind blowing sexual encounter with multiple orgasms, and I started asking the wrong questions like, How did this first time 64 00:14:12.010 --> 00:14:16.640 Karelia Stetz-Waters: with this partner and first time with this woman with a woman? 65 00:14:16.750 --> 00:14:28.039 Karelia Stetz-Waters: How did this person have this like crazy sex magic that she was able to just make it happen like that like, wow! Beginners, luck! She's been studying. 66 00:14:28.120 --> 00:14:33.419 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And those are not the questions the author wanted me to be asking. I am guessing 67 00:14:33.730 --> 00:14:35.180 Karelia Stetz-Waters: so 68 00:14:35.700 --> 00:14:41.770 Karelia Stetz-Waters: just because I recommend putting sex on the page doesn't necessarily mean 69 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:45.760 Karelia Stetz-Waters: that it should be as much 70 00:14:46.310 --> 00:14:55.670 Karelia Stetz-Waters: as possible in erotica. That might be a good tactic. That's also a beautiful genre with a lot of room for sex that might be considered 71 00:14:55.760 --> 00:15:03.860 Karelia Stetz-Waters: gratuitous in a romance novel. So I have 2 principles in terms of including sex. 72 00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:08.769 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So the first principle is, I like to call it the Basil principle 73 00:15:08.830 --> 00:15:24.030 Karelia Stetz-Waters: but you can pick any ingredients really. So I read a lot of romance novels where the author spent 3, 4, 5, 6 pages describing great detail, the lovers cooking together. 74 00:15:24.260 --> 00:15:31.939 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and then they fall into bed, or they kiss on the counter and and have sex, and that part takes about a paragraph. 75 00:15:32.260 --> 00:15:38.680 Karelia Stetz-Waters: There is no world in which I am more interested in the Basil than I am in the sex. 76 00:15:38.830 --> 00:16:02.339 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Even though Fay here is an amazing gourmet chef, and she cooks every day, so I really feel like I am living the happily ever after with the bonus track of a gourmet chef in the house. I am still more interested in sex than Basil, so I always recommend putting making the more interesting something is, the more time it should get on the page. 77 00:16:02.460 --> 00:16:17.209 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and the other principle is that sex should advance the plot, and I don't know why my bullets came out as question marks, because I feel completely confident about these statements. But there you have it. 78 00:16:17.280 --> 00:16:27.469 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So that's something for you to revisit. I've got a few slides today. They've got lots of text on them with the idea that you can come back and take a look later if you're interested. 79 00:16:27.740 --> 00:16:28.620 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Now. 80 00:16:28.880 --> 00:16:32.910 Karelia Stetz-Waters: this 81 00:16:33.030 --> 00:16:37.339 Karelia Stetz-Waters: is worth the price of entry, which I believe was free. But 82 00:16:37.400 --> 00:16:44.169 Karelia Stetz-Waters: it's still really useful for me. If you've been writing sex for years. 83 00:16:44.690 --> 00:16:53.199 Karelia Stetz-Waters: you've probably got your own, like structures that you like. But if perhaps you are new to the 84 00:16:53.390 --> 00:16:56.730 Karelia Stetz-Waters: the sex scene writing. 85 00:16:57.070 --> 00:17:00.160 Karelia Stetz-Waters: see? This is good formula. 86 00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:03.830 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So a sentence or paragraph 87 00:17:03.870 --> 00:17:11.210 Karelia Stetz-Waters: for each of these or multiple paragraphs for each of these points, first establishing the approach 88 00:17:11.550 --> 00:17:16.650 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and the setting, and the modern reader is waiting for some 89 00:17:16.970 --> 00:17:26.790 Karelia Stetz-Waters: acknowledgement of consent. So growing up training romance novels in the middle school gym! There were a lot of like. 90 00:17:27.060 --> 00:17:34.310 Karelia Stetz-Waters: you know. She slapped him and he grabbed her, and then they kissed passionately. And 91 00:17:34.740 --> 00:17:44.580 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I enjoyed those in middle school, but at this point in our social awareness, grabbing and slapping, unless there is a lot of consent. 92 00:17:44.830 --> 00:17:51.550 Karelia Stetz-Waters: A conversation ahead of time is is really not okay. And so people are waiting for. 93 00:17:51.610 --> 00:18:12.219 Karelia Stetz-Waters: if not a specific verbal statement, something that lets us know that both characters have consented, and I really like it. When I see in a romance a woman asking for that consent of the man. We often think of it going the other way. But I think that's a really tender and important moment to remind the reader that the 94 00:18:12.500 --> 00:18:17.449 Karelia Stetz-Waters: men need and deserve that opportunity to consent just as much as women. 95 00:18:17.770 --> 00:18:21.309 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So I then linger on the first touch 96 00:18:21.440 --> 00:18:25.820 Karelia Stetz-Waters: the rising desire. I like to show that first moment of 97 00:18:25.940 --> 00:18:32.149 Karelia Stetz-Waters: nakedness. If there is nakedness, lack of clothing, especially for a first time scene, because 98 00:18:32.340 --> 00:18:59.819 Karelia Stetz-Waters: the lovers are going to be paying attention to their partner's body, the rising desire climax of some point which does not have to be during penetration. And that is where I'm gonna start preaching in the next slide. And then afterwards, something has changed for the characters or the plot, and that's what makes the sex scene really satisfying for the reader that they they were there, not just for the fun and the pleasure, but for some 99 00:18:59.880 --> 00:19:01.409 Karelia Stetz-Waters: greater purpose. 100 00:19:02.440 --> 00:19:04.810 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And here I'm gonna start 101 00:19:05.900 --> 00:19:10.360 Karelia Stetz-Waters: preaching, and I promise that I will keep it relatively short. 102 00:19:10.780 --> 00:19:36.260 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I wrote as Michelle mentioned, a story about us sex toy store. And I got an email from a reader who said they read this story, and then read the recommended reading list that I included at the end, and she said she was in her sixties, and her whole life 103 00:19:36.350 --> 00:19:41.180 Karelia Stetz-Waters: she had felt sexually broken until she read 104 00:19:41.790 --> 00:19:48.189 Karelia Stetz-Waters: the books I recommended, and she realized that she was absolutely 100% 105 00:19:48.210 --> 00:19:49.340 Karelia Stetz-Waters: normal. 106 00:19:49.860 --> 00:19:56.610 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So society gives us these scripts about how sex should be, what it looks like. 107 00:19:56.710 --> 00:20:05.159 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And one of the troubling things about those scripts is that they focus on penetration 108 00:20:05.670 --> 00:20:15.199 Karelia Stetz-Waters: as the central, final, most important moment, with the expectation that both partners reach orgasm during penetration. 109 00:20:15.560 --> 00:20:35.869 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and that is not a reliable way for people with vaginas and vulvas to reach orgasm. Now, the statistic here, 4%, you can find different research suggesting that the percentage of women who reach orgasm through penetration could be as high as 30% 110 00:20:35.900 --> 00:20:39.529 Karelia Stetz-Waters: depending on how the researcher frames the question. 111 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:44.019 Karelia Stetz-Waters: But the point is, the minority of 112 00:20:44.150 --> 00:20:45.280 Karelia Stetz-Waters: women 113 00:20:45.470 --> 00:20:52.890 Karelia Stetz-Waters: come from penetration. But if we look at Media, the majority do, and that creates a lot of 114 00:20:53.480 --> 00:21:00.240 Karelia Stetz-Waters: distress for women who feel broken, and men who feel like they can't accomplish 115 00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:06.570 Karelia Stetz-Waters: this thing. They're supposed to accomplish giving their partner an orgasm. So with that, said. 116 00:21:06.700 --> 00:21:10.279 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I'm gonna get off my stop preaching for a moment 117 00:21:10.470 --> 00:21:12.610 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and just mentioned 118 00:21:12.690 --> 00:21:22.020 Karelia Stetz-Waters: that I also teach technical writing. So one of the important things about a good sex scene is that you keep track of all the body parts. 119 00:21:22.460 --> 00:21:32.199 Karelia Stetz-Waters: so you don't end up with a few extra or complicated setting where the reader is like? No, wait a second. Are they on the kitchen couch, or are they 120 00:21:32.320 --> 00:21:42.329 Karelia Stetz-Waters: standing by the window, and where did the X or hand come from? So I always like to keep track of the space the lovers are in, where their torso and limbs are. 121 00:21:42.360 --> 00:21:53.430 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and then lips and genitals. So if you can, I put identify those 4, you are probably in good shape, and you have avoided the 122 00:21:53.930 --> 00:21:56.330 Karelia Stetz-Waters: extra limbs. 123 00:21:56.640 --> 00:22:07.379 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Now, in addition to having only one or 2 legs, those are the options. How does your character experience sex? 124 00:22:07.790 --> 00:22:09.409 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I'm gonna hand this off to fail. 125 00:22:09.700 --> 00:22:11.000 Fay Stetz-Waters: Oh. 126 00:22:11.030 --> 00:22:21.189 Fay Stetz-Waters: you're such a hard act to follow! How can how can I follow that? I mean, she's been teaching for for years? She's been writing about sex for years, and I'm really new to this, but 127 00:22:21.530 --> 00:22:24.580 Fay Stetz-Waters: I think I have something to share. 128 00:22:25.310 --> 00:22:37.540 Fay Stetz-Waters: We are not one dimensional. We are not just one thing, we are many fakes, and I like to bring all of the many of those aspects of our character, of our nature to the page. 129 00:22:37.700 --> 00:22:44.499 Fay Stetz-Waters: How does our race? How does our age? How does our gender identity, our job, our children, our lack of children 130 00:22:44.540 --> 00:23:00.740 Fay Stetz-Waters: influence our characters? Experience of sex. When I sit down to write about a character, Karelia and I just finished this second night stand last year, and it's gonna be out in in May. And we're working on our next romance. And 131 00:23:00.760 --> 00:23:07.770 Fay Stetz-Waters: yeah, who are these people? What is their day to day like? And how do those 132 00:23:07.810 --> 00:23:11.700 Fay Stetz-Waters: the messiness of life interfere with their ability to get it on. 133 00:23:12.770 --> 00:23:28.099 Fay Stetz-Waters: How do you sit down and write that sex scene? Are your characters happily getting it on after 25 years of romance do they come to an agreement after 25 years, Corillia, that the dog does not belong in the same room in which we are having sex. 134 00:23:28.310 --> 00:23:31.520 Fay Stetz-Waters: We're curious about these things. Like 135 00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:45.320 Karelia Stetz-Waters: was singing that song about the dog does not look belong in the bedroom for a long time. Somebody is a softie who can't break the dog's little heart. 136 00:23:46.630 --> 00:24:00.799 Fay Stetz-Waters: It's an open question it, these things, and they they impact how and influence how your character? Experiences sex we are in in second night stand we we were. We were intentional in writing a black character and and a white character. 137 00:24:00.850 --> 00:24:16.079 Fay Stetz-Waters: and not only are there black. She's a dark skinned black woman who's muscular and fit, and a ballet dancer. The white woman is very pale. Very light skinned, very curvy and sumptuous. We love writing. I love writing. This opposites attract and then 138 00:24:16.160 --> 00:24:33.309 Fay Stetz-Waters: exploring the love that comes from the differences, and finding those similarities really to take in that beauty, and just describe all of that elegance. I. One of the descriptions of of of of Lilian. The the black woman is is lovely. She's 139 00:24:33.910 --> 00:24:34.860 Fay Stetz-Waters: she's 140 00:24:35.300 --> 00:24:44.320 Fay Stetz-Waters: fit. She's a ballet dancer, and her skin was as dark and pure as cacao as French roast coffee beans, but none of those things compared. 141 00:24:44.490 --> 00:24:51.519 Fay Stetz-Waters: They weren't even an approximation, because Lilian glowed the way the night sky glowed when there was no moon. 142 00:24:51.790 --> 00:24:56.220 Fay Stetz-Waters: radiant and dark. a beauty that owed nothing to stage lights. 143 00:24:57.430 --> 00:25:06.469 Fay Stetz-Waters: And Izzy, you know her one night stand so she would think, is a white woman Izzy, and there in Lillian's hotel room. 144 00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:11.540 and we describe as he as the thin curtains let in the dark luminescence 145 00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:23.099 Fay Stetz-Waters: in the room on the night sky, casting the room into blue shadows. It made Izzy's pale skin look paler, like a magical creature descended from a castle on the moon. 146 00:25:23.260 --> 00:25:34.759 Fay Stetz-Waters: and then we think about things that get in the way past physical experiences with sex fear of being hurt. What gets in the way, what does your character want out of sex? 147 00:25:35.760 --> 00:25:39.420 Fay Stetz-Waters: It's an important question, and one that 148 00:25:39.850 --> 00:25:47.109 Fay Stetz-Waters: I think when I get stuck I like to think about. There are 3 things that you can think about if you have a writing exercise. 149 00:25:47.960 --> 00:26:02.710 Fay Stetz-Waters: Any, and you're having trouble. Getting to that sex scene because you don't know what your character is going to do what your character expects out of sex. What are they afraid of when it comes to sex? We have lots of fears around sex. 150 00:26:02.730 --> 00:26:11.040 Fay Stetz-Waters: You know our past experiences, you know, body images, stuff we get from the media. You know, things that happen to us that just you know. 151 00:26:11.060 --> 00:26:17.540 Fay Stetz-Waters: where are the kids right now? Maybe things get in the way and so I like to think about 152 00:26:17.810 --> 00:26:37.049 Fay Stetz-Waters: using a care picking a couple of character traits from that list race, you know. What do you do for work? What does your character do for work? You know what is something that's messy and complicated in their life, and put that on the page and then create a sex scene and think about, how do those things influence the sexual experience of the person. 153 00:26:37.150 --> 00:26:39.160 Fay Stetz-Waters: and write what must 154 00:26:39.500 --> 00:26:41.680 at what must happen in that scene. 155 00:26:42.570 --> 00:26:45.610 Fay Stetz-Waters: and that what might happen in that scene. 156 00:26:46.150 --> 00:26:59.840 Fay Stetz-Waters: And then what can we leave to chance and so I think that sometimes it's a fun way to kind of get out of getting unstuck when we think about what our characters are capable of, or what's getting in way. Yeah, I think about getting embarrassed. Yeah. 157 00:27:00.130 --> 00:27:10.159 Fay Stetz-Waters: I won't even. I've got some stories, but I'm gonna turn it back over to my wonderful colleague here and my wife and writing partner for the next set of questions. 158 00:27:11.070 --> 00:27:23.160 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Alright. So I have a couple of slides here which I'm gonna let you read at your own leisure. That just illustrate how one can bring in the tone of a story or the 159 00:27:23.340 --> 00:27:31.360 Karelia Stetz-Waters: character's profession into the bedroom in a way that's natural and just shows that 160 00:27:31.430 --> 00:27:35.039 Karelia Stetz-Waters: they're a whole person in and outside of the bedroom. 161 00:27:35.280 --> 00:27:55.699 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Now, being an English teacher, I do like vocabulary and grammar. So we're gonna do that for a minute. And then we're gonna get back to the the real sexy part so quickly in the chat. Put your favorite word for the bola vagina or clitoris. If you feel so inclined, you never have to participate. 162 00:27:55.760 --> 00:28:01.230 Karelia Stetz-Waters: so go ahead and pop those in. See what we got. 163 00:28:06.120 --> 00:28:07.830 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Oh, sorry. 164 00:28:08.890 --> 00:28:23.810 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I apparently cannot scroll through the chat. Well, also. not advancing my slides. So, Fay, I'm gonna let you read them if you see any any particularly good words, just any words in the chat. 165 00:28:26.770 --> 00:28:31.039 Fay Stetz-Waters: Oh, boy, they're going by so fast. Noodle cinder folds. 166 00:28:32.900 --> 00:28:37.200 Fay Stetz-Waters: Oh, boy, let's see here, keep you doing. 167 00:28:47.580 --> 00:28:51.729 Fay Stetz-Waters: Poor sweet spot. Nub XX 168 00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:53.230 Fay Stetz-Waters: click 169 00:28:54.530 --> 00:28:56.740 Fay Stetz-Waters: pearl pussy 170 00:28:56.820 --> 00:29:01.309 Fay Stetz-Waters: vagina is what I know most folds Inert's heart 171 00:29:01.820 --> 00:29:06.740 Fay Stetz-Waters: lately, womanhood, because its historical paranormal love tunnel 172 00:29:06.930 --> 00:29:08.350 Karelia Stetz-Waters: heat 173 00:29:11.050 --> 00:29:14.900 Fay Stetz-Waters: nubs, pearls, bundle of joy. plus a 174 00:29:15.320 --> 00:29:35.720 Fay Stetz-Waters: sorry to be boring soft folds. Cave cock. I like pussy, too. Diane harder for body is a good one. Sensitive, numb putin, Annie, I haven't heard that one in a long time. Oh, Vagina. 175 00:29:36.080 --> 00:29:45.119 Karelia Stetz-Waters: yeah. Oh, these are so good! Thank you. Everyone so as an English teacher, I'm going to give you a pop quiz, but I'm going to give you the answers pretty quickly. 176 00:29:45.130 --> 00:29:46.770 Karelia Stetz-Waters: so 177 00:29:46.980 --> 00:29:52.740 Karelia Stetz-Waters: You don't have to put this in the chat in your mind. Match the the word to the woman. 178 00:29:54.620 --> 00:30:07.299 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and the correct answer is, the woman with the gun uses cunt. The woman who is teaching uses Lady Bitz, and the woman with the politician hair uses pussy. 179 00:30:07.850 --> 00:30:11.419 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and my advice to you 180 00:30:12.450 --> 00:30:13.570 Karelia Stetz-Waters: is 181 00:30:13.730 --> 00:30:24.099 Karelia Stetz-Waters: to, especially if you're writing in third person, limited or first person in most cases, that the narration 182 00:30:24.560 --> 00:30:30.660 Karelia Stetz-Waters: should use the same sexual vocabulary that the 183 00:30:30.790 --> 00:30:37.639 Karelia Stetz-Waters: characters would use themselves. I read another great book, but with a little sex scene. 184 00:30:37.920 --> 00:31:01.590 Karelia Stetz-Waters: See the thing that kind of threw me off. 2 very naive young women are having sex. It's a YA now, so they're teenagers, and they use the word. The narration uses the word hunt. They they don't. But the narration around them in third person does, and it's just a little jarring, because the characters would not use that word. So I recommend that the 185 00:31:01.590 --> 00:31:10.319 Karelia Stetz-Waters: whatever your language is you set that aside, and you use the characters words now. I gave you the pop quiz. 186 00:31:10.320 --> 00:31:26.679 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and it could be really interesting if you have, say, the woman with the machine gun super tough in one part of her life, but really shy about sex, and uses the word ladybits. That could be really good, but it should be a character trait, not something that happens by accident. 187 00:31:28.010 --> 00:31:34.240 Karelia Stetz-Waters: alright click refresher on pronoun reference. 188 00:31:34.350 --> 00:31:47.279 Karelia Stetz-Waters: If you have a sex scene with 2 characters who use the same pronouns, or, if you have any scene whatsoever, with 2 or with 3 or more people. 189 00:31:47.530 --> 00:31:49.999 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Here's a little something to remember about grammar. 190 00:31:50.140 --> 00:31:58.719 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I love grammar more than anyone else. I know. So a pronoun always references 191 00:31:58.760 --> 00:32:12.190 Karelia Stetz-Waters: the proper noun before it. So if the sentence says rows, and then the next sentence has a pronoun. The reader will assume that the pronoun relates to rows. 192 00:32:12.510 --> 00:32:24.450 Karelia Stetz-Waters: If I want to change the character doing the action, or what have you? Then I need to say their name again, and then the next pronoun will attach to them. 193 00:32:25.720 --> 00:32:34.110 Karelia Stetz-Waters: pretty simple. But if you if you don't get that right 194 00:32:34.450 --> 00:32:43.439 Karelia Stetz-Waters: with the same-sex characters, or the 3 or more people in a scene, it's kind of like the Third leg readers are looking around trying to figure out what's going on. 195 00:32:45.300 --> 00:33:01.120 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Okay, checking my time here. We're gonna talk a little bit about an admin sexual response. And this is focused on Wallace and vaginas and clerices. So if you are writing mail mail romance. 196 00:33:01.170 --> 00:33:25.449 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and you have no part of your life in which you are engaged personally with all this, then this is a little gratuitous for you, but please hang hang in there, hang in there. It's always fun to learn something if you don't already know. So I was in my early thirties when I learned that the clitoris was not just a little part on the outside. 197 00:33:25.570 --> 00:33:35.150 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and at that point I was already writing sex positive Sapphic romances I knew about the woman's body. I was a pro. 198 00:33:35.160 --> 00:33:37.340 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and yet I missed 199 00:33:37.520 --> 00:33:46.450 Karelia Stetz-Waters: this important piece of information. Here is one of my model clitoris's this is about the proper anatomical size. 200 00:33:47.140 --> 00:33:58.729 Karelia Stetz-Waters: The clitoris is about the size of the non erect penis, it becomes erect like a penis. It comes from the same embryonic structures 201 00:33:58.860 --> 00:34:04.030 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and differentiates in utero. So 202 00:34:04.150 --> 00:34:18.189 Karelia Stetz-Waters: But yet we are taught. At least I was taught that girls have vaginas, and boys have penises thus erasing the source of women's pleasure. 203 00:34:21.920 --> 00:34:43.080 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So once I found that out, it became really important to me to work some of that information in to my writing, and that is is kind of A passion and a calling for me so I can reach women like that. One who wrote and said I felt broken. 204 00:34:43.280 --> 00:34:47.989 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And all those folks who maybe don't know because we are not 205 00:34:48.150 --> 00:34:50.820 Karelia Stetz-Waters: taught a lot about the clitoris. 206 00:34:51.010 --> 00:35:05.070 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Now, one thing maybe I should warn you. They're sorry. These are Volvos. As you can tell. I also collect volvos. I got a pillow, and I also have I got this pillow. See? It's like little 207 00:35:05.100 --> 00:35:08.689 Karelia Stetz-Waters: phoenix flytraps, and 208 00:35:09.480 --> 00:35:17.060 Karelia Stetz-Waters: when I was a teenager. One thing that I did not worry about in terms of appearance. One thing my Volvo 209 00:35:17.080 --> 00:35:25.099 Karelia Stetz-Waters: like that was like the underside of my tongue. I didn't worry about it with the rise of porn. There's been 210 00:35:26.330 --> 00:35:28.249 Karelia Stetz-Waters: a huge rise 211 00:35:28.370 --> 00:35:40.650 Karelia Stetz-Waters: in people feeling self-conscious about their vulvas, because Porn has one style of vulva, which is a normal style, and that is tucked in almost barbie-like. 212 00:35:41.030 --> 00:35:43.809 Karelia Stetz-Waters: shaved or waxed entirely. 213 00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:51.929 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And that's good. That's that's that is one font version. These are also healthy versions, and they're all different. 214 00:35:52.200 --> 00:36:07.360 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And so one way that I like always looking for a way to make my sex scenes a little more different de differentiate them. And one thing I I'm really excited about doing, especially in this next book we're working on is having some vulva diversity. 215 00:36:07.820 --> 00:36:12.149 Karelia Stetz-Waters: This is one of my favorite Instagram feeds the Volva gallery 216 00:36:12.860 --> 00:36:21.609 Karelia Stetz-Waters: really, really neat? neat, neat feed. 217 00:36:23.750 --> 00:36:29.099 Karelia Stetz-Waters: This book has a total click baby title, and is actually really full of science. 218 00:36:29.460 --> 00:36:40.109 Karelia Stetz-Waters: which I love that perfect combination. And Nagaski is also all over Youtube. So if you're not up for reading the book. She's got great lectures. This 219 00:36:40.130 --> 00:36:47.459 Karelia Stetz-Waters: book presents another complexity of sexual response that I like to bring in 220 00:36:47.940 --> 00:36:49.330 Karelia Stetz-Waters: to 221 00:36:50.070 --> 00:36:58.129 Karelia Stetz-Waters: just to bring some freshness and some realism to sex scenes, and this applies to men and women, both 222 00:36:58.140 --> 00:37:00.759 Karelia Stetz-Waters: including trans. Men and trans women. 223 00:37:01.370 --> 00:37:13.860 Karelia Stetz-Waters: There is Nagasaki writes about spontaneous sexual desire. That's what we think of when we think of being horny. It's like, I'm hungry for sex. We see that a lot 224 00:37:13.870 --> 00:37:26.409 Karelia Stetz-Waters: in romance, and it's great. And that is really normal for the majority of people. But about 30% of women and a smaller but significant percentage of men 225 00:37:26.640 --> 00:37:45.090 Karelia Stetz-Waters: have what's called responsive sexual desire, which is, they don't feel horny before sex, they don't feel desire before sex, they feel desire. Once they become engaged in the sexual act. Nagaski has a wonderful metaphor with a party. She says. You know 226 00:37:45.110 --> 00:37:55.190 Karelia Stetz-Waters: you go to a party because, you know you will have fun at the party once you've been at the party for a little while. You start having fun, but you're not having this 227 00:37:55.950 --> 00:38:09.969 Karelia Stetz-Waters: physical party craving before you go to the party, and that would be responsive desire. So that's something I'm excited about showing a little bit more in my sex scenes. I'm gonna give you a couple more resources for 228 00:38:09.980 --> 00:38:14.950 Karelia Stetz-Waters: for diversifying your sex, your sex scenes. I 229 00:38:15.090 --> 00:38:17.020 Karelia Stetz-Waters: see another book I recommended. 230 00:38:17.300 --> 00:38:23.910 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I was at the Willamette Writers Conference quite a while ago, before I was published, and I met a woman who 231 00:38:24.290 --> 00:38:38.839 Karelia Stetz-Waters: was leaving a successful career as a romance writer and retraining in technical writing, and I had never been published. That was the the Holy Grail. I think I blurted out like, why would you leave romance like you're published? 232 00:38:38.990 --> 00:38:44.279 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And she said, I cannot write one more sex scene. 233 00:38:44.590 --> 00:38:56.259 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So if you are ever feeling that way, or if you just don't know what your character is, what's gonna be like. The sexual blueprints is a 234 00:38:56.920 --> 00:39:07.649 Karelia Stetz-Waters: a scheme, a kind of like astrological symbols, or the Myers Briggs, the Eno brand, like a personality test people train 235 00:39:07.650 --> 00:39:27.130 Karelia Stetz-Waters: to sex educators train to be able to present the blueprints and talk about them. They're like sexual profiles, and any good educator will say they are not fixed in stone. People change throughout their lives over the course of a week. But you can go online. You could find a sexual blueprint 236 00:39:27.430 --> 00:39:28.130 Karelia Stetz-Waters: test 237 00:39:28.420 --> 00:39:36.369 Karelia Stetz-Waters: or quiz, and it will help you think of like a sexual profile for your character. 238 00:39:36.520 --> 00:39:44.349 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and it can be fun to take for oneself as well. So checking my time here. Oh, I'm doing all right. 239 00:39:44.390 --> 00:39:59.970 Karelia Stetz-Waters: couple more resources. I recommend the books I mentioned Wikipedia also click baby title, bright pink cover and really thoughtful and well researched information. 240 00:40:00.140 --> 00:40:07.539 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And Ian Kerner, she comes first, which is all about kind of lingus, and it is delightful. 241 00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:16.500 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Here's another resource for 242 00:40:17.030 --> 00:40:24.229 Karelia Stetz-Waters: varying your sex scenes, varying the acts that appear in the sex scenes, or getting a 243 00:40:24.240 --> 00:40:45.369 Karelia Stetz-Waters: a clear kind of script for what they should look like on Gs is a video series. You purchase the right to watch the videos. I think it's $40 a season, and I think it's well worth it. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not that they don't sponsor me. And it. It's very high production quality videos of 244 00:40:45.530 --> 00:40:48.290 Karelia Stetz-Waters: women talking about masturbation 245 00:40:48.540 --> 00:40:51.899 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and illustrating the ways they masturbate. 246 00:40:52.820 --> 00:41:04.750 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and they have a series on just masturbation, on toys, on penetration. And it's really it's a really great way to get a look at different sexual 247 00:41:06.290 --> 00:41:15.180 Karelia Stetz-Waters: activities. Another really wonderful way, especially if you wanna write about a sexual experience that you have not had and perhaps do not want to have 248 00:41:15.840 --> 00:41:17.410 Karelia Stetz-Waters: online classes 249 00:41:17.620 --> 00:41:42.290 Karelia Stetz-Waters: sex Ed classes or pleasure education classes went online with Covid, and a lot of them have stayed there. So this is one teacher I really like, here's another one who I really enjoy. They offer classes, for, you know, 1015, $20 online live online where you can learn about anal sex when you have cancer, 250 00:41:42.980 --> 00:41:44.360 Karelia Stetz-Waters: bondage 251 00:41:44.770 --> 00:41:55.249 Karelia Stetz-Waters: kind of lingus giving the best blow job all sorts of things. And it's very safe way to get some information for your seams. 252 00:41:55.410 --> 00:42:06.780 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Also big fan of this store again, not sponsored by Shebop, but one of my favorite inclusive sex, positive body, positive 253 00:42:06.950 --> 00:42:24.120 Karelia Stetz-Waters: sex toy stores here in Portland, perusing their online catalog. It's great way to get some ideas if you want to integrate toys into your sex scene, and if you don't live in an area with a sex toy store like this, they ship, and it's a really wonderful wonderful place. 254 00:42:24.470 --> 00:42:32.099 Karelia Stetz-Waters: alright, Faye. tell us about how complicated life is. 255 00:42:32.210 --> 00:42:48.790 Fay Stetz-Waters: Yeah, so many flags and and and so many identities. Writing isn't easy, and writing about sex, as Karelia has talked about isn't easy, either. There's a lot to navigate, and it's hard to write outside of our own experiences and orientations. 256 00:42:49.380 --> 00:42:54.819 Fay Stetz-Waters: and sometimes it's even hard to write inside of our own experiences. So it's important to be careful 257 00:42:56.040 --> 00:43:08.259 Fay Stetz-Waters: to approach characters with love and respect, because when we write, we hold up a mirror to people who identify with our characters, and we want them to look in that mirror 258 00:43:08.430 --> 00:43:12.169 Fay Stetz-Waters: and to see some one complex, and to see some one real 259 00:43:13.490 --> 00:43:15.859 Fay Stetz-Waters: and not a stereotype, not a fetish. 260 00:43:16.120 --> 00:43:19.980 Fay Stetz-Waters: So it is complicated, complicated, and it's important to get it right 261 00:43:22.060 --> 00:43:32.890 Fay Stetz-Waters: nervous. It's no one to be nervous even after 25 years. Carilla and I are trying something new. Get nervous. but that's exciting. 262 00:43:32.980 --> 00:44:00.670 Fay Stetz-Waters: It also makes me nervous to to put myself out there, and to to share this work, when, knowing my some of my colleagues have already read copies of the Attorney General may need this. Who knows. Maybe I can get a President to read it, and it takes courage and confidence to write, to acknowledge these feelings, but also to keep writing and to keep the discussion moving. It's important to talk about these things, the conversations long overdue, the conversations emerging and so 263 00:44:01.460 --> 00:44:02.710 Fay Stetz-Waters: I just wanna say. 264 00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:17.030 Fay Stetz-Waters: it's normal to feel nervous, so don't let that stop yo, all right. I think we are coming to the close of our, of our of our slides, and we've got a lot of questions, but I'm going to give my wife the the last piece so she could talk about this fun 265 00:44:17.070 --> 00:44:19.400 Fay Stetz-Waters: storytelling that she did in public. 266 00:44:19.850 --> 00:44:48.779 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Okay, so I wanna offer this to you when I give this lecture. Ordinarily I ask for homework. It's in a class setting. And because my students are trusting me with their submission. I offer them this to trust them with a little piece of my life, and I share it with you, too, because I really appreciate you being here. And it's just such a gift to me to say to get to share this moment with you. So, anyways. 267 00:44:49.010 --> 00:45:15.359 Karelia Stetz-Waters: if you are interested. This is not from February fourteenth as of yesterday. This is from February fourteenth, 2,020, right before the world ended, and we celebrated the end of the world pretty good with this event. It was a storytelling show. Run by a couple in Portland where people would tell real stories about their sex lives. 268 00:45:15.500 --> 00:45:38.539 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Funny, tragic. the gamut and they invited me to present. And at first I said, No, because I've been with Faith for 25 years. Everyone will know that if I talk about sex I'm talking about her, and I didn't want to put her life out there like that. But she was like, No, no, it sounds great. You should do it. And in this, when I talk 269 00:45:38.850 --> 00:45:50.349 Karelia Stetz-Waters: in this presentation, this story, I talk about one of those classes I went to, and I went for research for my book, because I just wanted to see what a sex toy store. 270 00:45:50.560 --> 00:46:01.700 Karelia Stetz-Waters: sex, pleasure, education class looked like in real life, and at that time we were still going into the store for those classes. So I picked my class based on 271 00:46:02.310 --> 00:46:13.909 Karelia Stetz-Waters: when it met, because I had to drive up to Portland, and you know, work and all life. So I picked Thursday, which happened to be erotic spanking which I had no interest in personally, but 272 00:46:14.930 --> 00:46:34.789 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I wanted to see the class, which was charmingly a lot like my English classes like there was a worksheet, and the teacher brought extra pencils in case you forgot yours. And there was a little outcome statement what you should get on the class, and it was, it was by Jesse, fresh, very charming. 273 00:46:35.170 --> 00:46:37.140 Karelia Stetz-Waters: turned out I. 274 00:46:37.300 --> 00:46:48.819 Karelia Stetz-Waters: The topic of conversation was indeed something I enjoyed integrating into my own life, and this is the story. So if you would like to. 275 00:46:49.190 --> 00:46:51.910 Karelia Stetz-Waters: if you'd like me to share something 276 00:46:52.190 --> 00:47:10.220 Karelia Stetz-Waters: a little personal with you, there is that this is the Link, QR code to my website, which I'm now sharing with Fay. I would love to have you subscribe to the newsletter so that I can share more information with you. 277 00:47:10.250 --> 00:47:14.549 Karelia Stetz-Waters: it's monthly if that. So the the 278 00:47:14.640 --> 00:47:25.119 Karelia Stetz-Waters: if anyone signs up today, and if you put in the notes pro writing aid. Or if you're already signed up, just email me, 279 00:47:25.370 --> 00:47:38.899 Karelia Stetz-Waters: we're going to take a random random drawing of folks who who do that to sign up or or email, and gonna send out 3 homemade 280 00:47:38.900 --> 00:47:55.389 Karelia Stetz-Waters: by me original clitoris art pieces. So do sign up or email me if you're already on the list, and we'll we'll send. We'll, so we'll do a little drawing for for those folks, and and send you your very own clitoris. 281 00:47:55.470 --> 00:47:57.859 Karelia Stetz-Waters: perhaps, in addition to one you already have. 282 00:47:58.260 --> 00:48:10.089 Karelia Stetz-Waters: so I am so proud. Oh, I'm a little over time. But Faye, have you had a chance to look at the questions, and do you have a few curated for us that we might answer? 283 00:48:10.580 --> 00:48:26.670 Fay Stetz-Waters: I do. We've got a question here regarding the slide around the anatomy of a sex scene. Can you please share some examples of rising desire? And afterward. 284 00:48:27.630 --> 00:48:32.090 Karelia Stetz-Waters: okay. So for rising Desire. 285 00:48:32.770 --> 00:48:34.080 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I would 286 00:48:35.000 --> 00:48:41.500 Karelia Stetz-Waters: think about 3 things. Of course, there's so many ways to do this right, but 287 00:48:41.530 --> 00:48:44.249 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I like to see a 288 00:48:45.750 --> 00:48:49.189 Karelia Stetz-Waters: an enhancement in in kind of speed 289 00:48:49.240 --> 00:48:50.510 Karelia Stetz-Waters: or 290 00:48:51.700 --> 00:48:58.840 Karelia Stetz-Waters: franticness, but that doesn't necessarily mean a kind of, you know. Mad copulating but 291 00:48:59.080 --> 00:49:17.559 Karelia Stetz-Waters: losing track of things except for the sexual moment, the the characters like tuning out the rest of the world to kind of think of a film where we're drawing in the camera to the physicality, to the pleasure things start happening faster. 292 00:49:18.570 --> 00:49:24.559 Karelia Stetz-Waters: The the sexual acts become more intimate. So from kissing to touching. 293 00:49:24.620 --> 00:49:26.450 Karelia Stetz-Waters: you know, chest 294 00:49:26.510 --> 00:49:37.650 Karelia Stetz-Waters: to touching genitals, to kissing, to kissing genitals. So we have that that increase in the sex act. 295 00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:47.790 Karelia Stetz-Waters: coupled with the kind of tuning out of the world outside. And of course, language to describe increased 296 00:49:47.920 --> 00:49:49.190 Karelia Stetz-Waters: arousal 297 00:49:49.410 --> 00:49:57.450 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and increased. If this is the, this is the storyline, increased emotional connection. 298 00:49:58.410 --> 00:50:04.599 Karelia Stetz-Waters: It's a great question. And there's so many ways to do it right. But that's those are some of the principles I think about. 299 00:50:05.850 --> 00:50:17.759 Fay Stetz-Waters: All right. We've got another question here. Hey? Read a scene that was red. I think you read something. I thought we weren't supposed to describe skin color as food. 300 00:50:19.020 --> 00:50:21.800 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Oh, that is a 301 00:50:22.510 --> 00:50:29.420 Karelia Stetz-Waters: that is not a rule that I have heard, but I can definitely see 302 00:50:30.020 --> 00:50:36.700 Karelia Stetz-Waters: how one would want to be careful with food and skin descriptions. 303 00:50:37.280 --> 00:50:40.610 Karelia Stetz-Waters: particularly of of people of color, I think. 304 00:50:40.720 --> 00:50:48.149 Karelia Stetz-Waters: yeah, right now, my mind is scrolling through all the foods. That would be a bad 305 00:50:48.960 --> 00:50:50.790 Karelia Stetz-Waters: sex or skin 306 00:50:51.100 --> 00:50:58.770 Karelia Stetz-Waters: description. Yeah. So I hadn't heard that. But that is definitely something to be careful of. Wow, you could really go wrong with a food description. 307 00:51:00.070 --> 00:51:19.990 Fay Stetz-Waters: Okay? One. Attendee writes that I have a lot of terminology for genitalia quite aggressive or cringe, especially when I'm writing it. So I find I use the same phrases a lot in my sex scenes. Do you have any tips for improving my addiction. I write low mid spice books where sex is only 308 00:51:20.150 --> 00:51:22.039 Fay Stetz-Waters: show for plot progression. 309 00:51:22.750 --> 00:51:26.999 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Okay, so that is tough, because 310 00:51:28.170 --> 00:51:37.249 Karelia Stetz-Waters: while there are so many words and slang slang for for sex. And bodies. A lot of it is 311 00:51:37.440 --> 00:51:57.119 Karelia Stetz-Waters: gross or immature or pejorative. So I have had that problem, too. I'm like, Okay, how am I going to talk about this and not use the word click for the 70 fifth time? And in those cases I try to focus on sensation. 312 00:51:57.360 --> 00:52:04.199 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So instead of identifying the body part, identify the sensation kind of 313 00:52:04.530 --> 00:52:06.390 Karelia Stetz-Waters: in that locale. 314 00:52:08.230 --> 00:52:13.450 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Having already established that the the character is 315 00:52:14.090 --> 00:52:23.410 Karelia Stetz-Waters: in engaged in the sexual act. So, for example, with connelliness, if one partner is going down on the other and sucking on her clitoris 316 00:52:23.550 --> 00:52:30.780 Karelia Stetz-Waters: if I've already used the word clitoris. Then I would try to use some 317 00:52:32.020 --> 00:52:33.860 Karelia Stetz-Waters: description of 318 00:52:33.950 --> 00:52:49.400 Karelia Stetz-Waters: experience. Now, the only one that can come into my mind right now is sort of an ocean metaphor, which is probably been a little overused for female pleasure, although I have used it myself, so no judgment. 319 00:52:50.160 --> 00:52:53.150 Karelia Stetz-Waters: That's one approach that I would take 320 00:52:53.380 --> 00:53:17.370 Karelia Stetz-Waters: trying to think if there's anything else I do have a recommendation. I don't know how helpful this would be. But if you have not yet read the book red, white, and Royal Blue, by Casey Mcquistan, I think that Kristen does a amazingly good job of writing a male male anal sex scene. 321 00:53:17.420 --> 00:53:20.509 Karelia Stetz-Waters: So Mcquistan's book is really 322 00:53:21.070 --> 00:53:32.150 Karelia Stetz-Waters: it's Main Street. In fact, they made a movie out of it kind of hallmarky movie. It's about the the son of the American President, and British 323 00:53:32.370 --> 00:53:39.410 Karelia Stetz-Waters: prince who who fall in love. So it's for a mainstream audience and writing mail. 324 00:53:39.520 --> 00:53:45.320 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Gay male anal sex for a mainstream audience is 325 00:53:45.360 --> 00:53:49.839 Karelia Stetz-Waters: a heavy lift, because there are a lot of details there that could 326 00:53:50.530 --> 00:53:51.910 Karelia Stetz-Waters: they could make 327 00:53:52.210 --> 00:53:59.969 Karelia Stetz-Waters: a lot of readers go. Ugh! I don't want to know about that. And the question describes the scene without 328 00:54:00.850 --> 00:54:05.300 I don't think, ever describe like actually saying 329 00:54:05.870 --> 00:54:15.440 Karelia Stetz-Waters: penis in anus it's just it's beautiful. It's so, you know exactly what's going on. But 330 00:54:15.740 --> 00:54:18.520 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Mcquistan doesn't use the the 331 00:54:18.710 --> 00:54:27.760 Karelia Stetz-Waters: terms. So I would definitely re recommend that book for folks who are trying to figure out, how can I show something? 332 00:54:27.770 --> 00:54:28.920 Karelia Stetz-Waters: intimate. 333 00:54:29.280 --> 00:54:34.990 Karelia Stetz-Waters: maybe, to an audience that isn't ready for a really vivid description. 334 00:54:37.240 --> 00:54:43.050 Karelia Stetz-Waters: And it looks like, oh, we have time for a couple of more questions. 335 00:54:43.220 --> 00:54:47.960 Fay Stetz-Waters: Can you show the slide again for non-media? Typical sex scenes? 336 00:54:48.890 --> 00:54:51.770 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Oh, which one was that 337 00:54:52.050 --> 00:55:03.440 Fay Stetz-Waters: one media typical sex scenes oops. But while you're looking for that, I will find you another question. and 338 00:55:08.490 --> 00:55:16.400 Karelia Stetz-Waters: let's see, perhaps, that that person could put in the chat, or in the questions like, which? 339 00:55:16.450 --> 00:55:19.689 Karelia Stetz-Waters: no immediate 60. 340 00:55:20.650 --> 00:55:22.100 Fay Stetz-Waters: let's see. 341 00:55:22.220 --> 00:55:33.619 Fay Stetz-Waters: all right, while you're looking for that. There's another question about the slide for the structure or anatomy of a sex scene. Referring to after care. 342 00:55:34.320 --> 00:55:43.630 Fay Stetz-Waters: such as Bdsm care, cuddling, etc., or how the the characters interact through the following scene of chapter. So what does that look like? 343 00:55:43.850 --> 00:55:50.869 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Okay, let's see here I lost my slide. Here we go. 344 00:55:52.030 --> 00:55:55.860 Fay Stetz-Waters: Sorry. I was supposed to keep be keeping track of the number 345 00:55:55.910 --> 00:56:00.070 Karelia Stetz-Waters: alright. Okay, we're looking at 346 00:56:00.400 --> 00:56:01.520 Fay Stetz-Waters: 11, 347 00:56:02.540 --> 00:56:08.610 Karelia Stetz-Waters: this one here. Okay. Would you read the question again. I was 348 00:56:08.760 --> 00:56:11.870 Karelia Stetz-Waters: fumbling with myself. Is that aftercare 349 00:56:11.900 --> 00:56:32.450 Fay Stetz-Waters: or afterward? Is that? Is that referring to such? If you're in? If you're doing, let's see, I'll just read it. Referring to the slide with the structure of the sex of a scene is that referring to after care, such as Bdsm care, cuddling, etc., or how the characters interact throughout the following scene or chapter. What is that treatment in the structure? 350 00:56:32.700 --> 00:56:46.999 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Great question and good clarification. So I am thinking with that afterwards, when I made the slide, I was thinking about what happens in the bed, or whatever location the lovers are in 351 00:56:47.370 --> 00:56:52.220 Karelia Stetz-Waters: after. Whatever the climax is. So 352 00:56:52.540 --> 00:57:01.270 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Nagasaki, Emily Nagaski, who wrote, come as you are, has recently written a book on how 353 00:57:01.540 --> 00:57:03.679 Karelia Stetz-Waters: long-term couples maintain a 354 00:57:04.140 --> 00:57:05.680 vibrant sex life. 355 00:57:05.900 --> 00:57:08.039 Karelia Stetz-Waters: and she says that one of the 356 00:57:08.150 --> 00:57:20.099 Karelia Stetz-Waters: primary indicators of whether or not a couple will be satisfied with their sex life is whether or not they cuddle afterwards. Cuddling 357 00:57:20.620 --> 00:57:28.519 Karelia Stetz-Waters: makes you happy about your sex life statistically. So what I'm thinking about is that cuddling moment? With and 358 00:57:28.530 --> 00:57:35.149 Karelia Stetz-Waters: the question points to and is absolutely right with any sort of Bdsm. There needs to be 359 00:57:35.360 --> 00:57:41.489 Karelia Stetz-Waters: more careful attention to that moment of care. But even with 360 00:57:42.400 --> 00:57:48.070 Karelia Stetz-Waters: non Bdsm sex. there is a vulnerability that deserves a little care 361 00:57:48.200 --> 00:58:04.079 Karelia Stetz-Waters: or a lot of care in that moment. So I like to show something after the climax. II don't like to, you know. Have the fireworks, and then cut to the next chapter, although that can be perfectly good, too, like, I say, you can do anything. Well. 362 00:58:12.510 --> 00:58:22.509 Fay Stetz-Waters: there's a question here. Do we always need to be explicit sometimes more is less, isn't it? We have imaginations, don't we just need 363 00:58:23.420 --> 00:58:30.770 Fay Stetz-Waters: to trigger. don't we just need don't we just need to the trigger to set that imagination into gear? 364 00:58:32.070 --> 00:58:47.470 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I think that's absolutely correct. Sex does not have to always be explicit. We don't always have to get deep into the flippance and flappits, as one of my high school friends called them. 365 00:58:47.920 --> 00:58:50.940 Karelia Stetz-Waters: genre determines how 366 00:58:51.020 --> 00:59:02.110 Karelia Stetz-Waters: deep in we want to get. The cozy mystery is probably not waiting for a super intense, graphic sex scene. 367 00:59:02.150 --> 00:59:05.090 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Some genres kind of invite it. More. 368 00:59:05.200 --> 00:59:14.750 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Brand image is something to think about, too. If I were to write a totally closed door romance at this point, I think my readers would be disappointed, because that's not. 369 00:59:14.760 --> 00:59:20.550 Karelia Stetz-Waters: That's not the product I have been selling for the last 10 years. but 370 00:59:20.940 --> 00:59:29.819 Karelia Stetz-Waters: I I'm not to say that you have to stay on on a particular brand. That's a choice I made to to maintain that brand. Other people. 371 00:59:29.980 --> 00:59:31.720 Karelia Stetz-Waters: do, you know. 372 00:59:31.740 --> 00:59:33.669 Karelia Stetz-Waters: have a wider variety of 373 00:59:33.700 --> 00:59:44.370 Karelia Stetz-Waters: of styles? I think the key to not showing a lot is making sure that the reader is about to imagine. 374 00:59:46.030 --> 00:59:49.750 Karelia Stetz-Waters: at least emotionally, what you want them to imagine. 375 00:59:49.760 --> 01:00:01.609 Karelia Stetz-Waters: so that when that door closes they're like, yeah, I know, I know what that's gonna be like in terms of the the feelings, the emotion, the nerves. 376 01:00:03.370 --> 01:00:04.560 Karelia Stetz-Waters: that. 377 01:00:04.810 --> 01:00:08.910 Karelia Stetz-Waters: Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Just set it up so that the reader 378 01:00:09.040 --> 01:00:20.269 Karelia Stetz-Waters: knows what you want them to imagine. And absolutely, you do not have to put sex into every book, and there are plenty of readers who don't want 379 01:00:20.310 --> 01:00:28.129 Karelia Stetz-Waters: a lot of sex in their stories. So that is an audience that deserves to have great books to read to. 380 01:00:28.370 --> 01:00:29.170 Karelia Stetz-Waters: yeah. 381 01:00:29.470 --> 01:00:53.849 Fay Stetz-Waters: vibrant and hilarious and supportive, and 382 01:00:53.920 --> 01:00:56.550 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: just really great to see. 383 01:00:56.570 --> 01:01:23.069 Michelle @ ProWritingAid: I hope that you get so many pre-orders for your book. I will be one of them can't wait to read it. For everybody that came. Thank you so much, and we have another session coming up in just an hour, so we will see them but check out the hub for all of the links, for fang krelias resources, their slides, and the replay will be up later today. So we will see you next time. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone so good to have you here. 384 01:01:23.750 --> 01:01:24.759 Fay Stetz-Waters: Thanks so much.